Where were you and the kids on Christmas? Why was your wife home alone? Did she want to stay home, because she was depressed or symptomatic? If so, why did you leave her there alone, and do your children blame you for that? Did you have to visiting other, more important, branches of the family?

You say:

"by last week I was able to let her know that I was there to support her and that I did not judge her for what happened in the past. And I actually meant it."

But that support only lasted for A WEEK? Really? ONE WEEK?

You say:

"Yesterday she struggled with making plans to meet another couple for dinner."

Why? Why? Why? If she was desperate to see this other couple, and it was important to her, it would have been SUPPORTIVE of you to make the plans so she didn't have to STRUGGLE with it. If she wasn't desperate to see this other couple, why were plans being made to begin with? Was it your idea? If it was, then it was a really bad idea, and an even worse idea to have your wife make the plans.

You say:

"I know that I cannot subject my kids to that again."

At least you're honest here, YOU ARE the one subjecting your kids to this again.

You say:

"Giving up on someone you love to protect people who need you is horrible, but for now it's a necessity."

Yes, so quickly you go from "support" to "giving up" and all it took was one week and a cry for help with a "fairly dull steak knife".

But the kicker is that you don't really even give a shit about any of that. Your actual question is: If I leave my chronically ill wife, it may ruin my credit. Should I leave her anyway?

Every time I re-read your letter, you sound more and more selfish. Horribly selfish. I bet you'd be relieved if your wife actually killed herself (maybe that's why you left her alone on christmas and pushed her into social engagements too quickly) at least that way it wouldn't RUIN YOUR CREDIT.

Is so right. So is mojomom when she says women shouldn't abandon the comment section to the trolls. imnobody either truly hasn't read 'any' comments on Salon, or is just being disingenuous because you only have to peruse 1 article's comments to see the furious trolling that goes on here. Provide a link? How about you just click through some of the comments on previous BroadSheet posts? Or just click through Parson's, Dworkin's, or Bright's comment histories.

And Rennet, I suggest writing to the sponsors >>>>> Lexus seems to be footing the bill today, and send your complaints to the "investor relations" department - there is a link at the very bottom of every page of salon.

"I have tried to gently remind him, when he is scolding me, that I have not been so hard on him when our positions were switched. When I do this, he starts to get down on himself about his previous mistakes, completely missing my point! We are both human and I do not care about his mistakes -- that is my point"

This is a TRICK it's a manipulation thing, a passive-aggressive ploy of some sort. It is to turn your sympathies toward him, to make you feel sorry for him.

You start out getting fussed at for forgetting to lock the door. You hear how dangerous it is, he'll say that he is concerned, not angry - no, he's never angry, just passionately "concerned" - and that he doesn't want someone to come in and murder you. He might say something like: Maybe you don't care about yourself and your stuff, but I do".

When you get a chance, you point out that HE forgot to lock the door just last week and you didn't scold him ad nauseum and try to make him feel guilty for it or list off the frightening possibilities.

Then he begins to scold himself, calling himself stupid for forgetting, and wondering what was wrong with him.

He is actually still scolding you. He's calling you stupid, because after all you just did the same thing. He is saying something might be wrong with you, because after all, you just did the same thing when YOU forgot to lock the door.

See how that works? When he was outright scolding You, he couldn't cross the line to calling you stupid, but once you do him the favor of letting him scold himself, he can be as viscious as he wants to.

A reasonable person, when it was pointed out that they too made the same mistake, would say - "Oh you're right, I'm sorry for getting so worked up, we're all human and we all make mistakes." -

But your BF is not a reasonable person. His unreasonableness may be willful, or he may not even be aware of it. It could be the dynamic his parents had, it's pretty common - this "but you did it too" distraction... and if you look for this dynamic in the relationships of the people around you - you'll start to notice it all over the place to varying degrees.

It's a tough row to hoe, trying to change the unreasonable to into the reasonable. Try saying, "You left the door unlocked too, and don't start pretending to be mad at yourself about it now, when you're actually mad at me. I understand you're only concerned but shut the fuck up about it and stop haranguing me."

Check out: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/manip.shtml for more (also in sig)