A few years ago I told one of my friends, a woman of color, that I didn't see her as black. I guess that was my lame way of telling her that her skin color wasn't an issue for me. The minute those words came out of my mouth though, she sternly corrected me. "I don't want you to look at me and pretend you don't see a black woman. I want you to see me exactly as the person I am. And I'm a black woman." It was a little confusing to me at the time because I thought I was supposed to be color blind. But her words had an impact and I've never been able to completely shake them from my consciousness.

I'm a white guy who's dated across the racial lines many times and though it's never been an issue, I still don't know how people of color want me to see them. If I had issues I wouldn't date someone with different skin color than mine. But I don't have issues, so maybe the best way to communicate that is by saying nothing at all about the differences in our skin colors?

When I look at people of color I do see their skin color and I'm aware that it's different than mine. (It's part of the attraction.) Is there something inherently racist about that? I want to be sensitive and respectful but I'm at a loss anymore as to what, if anything to say in the context of a constantly changing political/racial climate.

It feels disingenuous to me to pretend that I don't see skin color when I do. And it feels awkward and even a little dishonest to not mention the pink elephant standing in the middle of the room. But I'm willing to be disingenuous and awkward if that means being more respectful. I just need to know what the parameters are I guess.

It's been said that feelings buried alive never die; they just sit there and wait to be given their due. My own experience resonates with what you shared with your letter writer Cary - that finding a way to get to the feelings and completely acknowledging them is a powerful and effective way to heal. It isn't easy and it takes some determination but it's so worth the effort.

The day I was widowed I fell to my knees and it took a lot of years to get back up. The whole time I was down there though I just kept telling myself that if these feelings of anger and pain were going to kill me, then they were going to kill me. So be it. The amazing thing was that they didn't. It helped to be honest about what I was feeling and not try and gloss over those feelings as if they weren't valid or rush through them because somebody said I should.

What I discovered in walking on into my heart of darkness, as frightening as it was to do it, was that I could survive it. I allowed myself to fall down into my deepest feelings of anger and pain and loss and feel what was there to feel, never quite expecting to return from the experience. But I did return and something in me healed in the process.

I hope your letter writer finds some comfort and encouragement in your words Cary - based on what I know and where I've been, they were insightful words.

Thanks for the laughs King! Your assessment of the ice-dancing had me laughing out loud. Kudos, because first of all I don't read sports columns very often - and when I do they don't make me laugh. You've got a wicked funny bone and you summed up the ice-dancing competition perfectly. Talk about high-camp - the drama between Fusar-Poli and Margaglio was one for the record books. It wasn't enough to just fall on their asses like everyone else was doing - they needed to give their fall something extra.

Anyway, you're funny - wish you covered more than sports and I'd read you all the time.

Thanks for the great coverage of the Winter Olympics King - it's been entertaining. For sure I wouldn't want to be in your shoes trying to cover an event that has so many subjective opinions surrounding it.

For what it's worth, I'm in awe of Olympic ice skaters/dancers. There's an amazing amount of athleticism and skill involved in what those guys and gals do. Whether or not a person likes watching their events, there's still the fundamental component of the figure skater's athleticism that more than justifies their participation in the Olympics. I think to some degree there's always going to be some controversy with the judging in the figure skating events because artistry is a subjective call and it can't be reduced to a purely mathematical, black & white score like with speed skating or downhill slalom.

I have no idea what the answers might be to a better scoring system for figure skating. But the fact that they've overhauled it once perhaps indicates that they'd be willing to do it again if somebody could come up with a better system. As long as any subjectivity exists in any part of the scoring though, we're likely to have the controveries we have now.

Maybe figure skating is always going to be a little messy. And maybe that's part of the reason why it's such a popular event in the Winter Olympics?