...but she should do so for her own peace of mind, not to get approval from her obviously-jealous friend and spiteful sister. (And said plan _certainly_ should not be reliant on any help from these two. They don't respect her now when she's healthy, so they will definitely treat her like crap if she gets sick/has to depend on them.) LW, start with talking to your doctor to see what might happen with your health, then make plans from there. You could start setting aside money for a home health aid. And you could enlist the help of your other (presumably more supportive friends) for whatever various tasks they'd be willing to do on a quid pro quo basis.

And Cary, really--you don't sound proud of this lady's achievement at all. You sound like those awful types who try to make single people afraid with questions like, "Who will look after you when you're old if you don't marry and have kids." :P Newsflash--one can only depend on those people who truly love one, and just a sampling of your letters is proof that family can be the least-trustworthy source of love and support. LW should decide for herself which friends she can trust--and abide by her instincts that people who constantly put her down aren't doing so because they truly care about her.

Dude, that was a straight-up ambush--no warning or nothin'. Bad form, bad form!! :)

...quoting that crap is just straight-up cruelty to your fellow Salonistas. Have you no decency, sir? ;)

Wow--given that the majority of clothes in one's closet are generally out of date, how are the glossies going to get around that fact? Will they give special absolution if one dares wear shoulder pads again or something? (I'd be right happy in that case because some of the nicest business clothes I have are from the late 1980's. :))

...from trying to sucker couples/any other innocent bystanders into having kids. Your idea of happiness may not equal theirs, and it's an unfair thing to do if you don't know the couple's circumstances. Hell, if I was married, I'd _really_ hate someone pulling that on me. :P

Keef, you fiend, you. If you must do the caveman thing, bring home some frickin' whole wheat bread. That's nearly as bad as making Jiffy cornbread instead of cornbread from scratch. Jeez...:)

True all dat. :) I'm convinced that if anyone had to find the shallowest, most ignorant, and snobbish people in NYC on a moment's notice, they would strike instant gold if they rousted the NYT's Style section. Between the tone-deaf lifestyle pieces and contributors like the gruesome Alex Kuczynski, this section is only useful for helping one grind down one's back molars and contemplating the joys of guillotines...:P

...maybe it's better if you just walk away from this situation entirely. Even though you could do Anna a world of good by encouraging her father to get her examined, you would have to be a much nicer person than you are. You lack even the most basic, normal sympathy or caring for what she's been through and what might happen to her. As well, you are obviously jealous as hell that she has had "everything" and your non-rich, oh-so-did-it-all-on-my-own self has "not." (Do you _really_ think her having money can make up for her mentally-ill mother, neglectful dad, and lack of life skills? That's just bone-chillingly cold-blooded, to say the least.) I strongly suspect other posters are right--you are after this guy for his cash flow and the perfect life that can give you, and you have no tolerance for anything nearly as messy as a teen stepdaughter, especially one with emotional problems.

What is it you love about this man? Seriously, I would have major, major reservations about marrying someone this clueless-to-out-and-out-indifferent about his obviously-needs-help daughter. Suppose you get hitched, but later become ill or need help at some point--will he farm _you_ out to nurses and a separate apartment or something? At best, he sounds like a big, irresponsible kid; at worst, a neglectful, dangerously-oblivious person. If he can't care for his daughter the way he should, how do you know he will care for you when things aren't always romantic and peachy?

If the LW marries this guy, she will have to be a mom to the clueless, irresponsible dad as well as to the daughter. And I agree with other posters that if the LW does nothing else, she should encourage dad to have daughter checked out by a psychologist and a doctor. It sounds like the girl has developmental difficulties and dad can't or won't face up to that. Helping them both would be the right thing to do.

Tracy's colleague wasn't reacting to the wife's stay-at-home job--she was commenting on wife's underlying threat that if hubby didn't continue to be a golden wallet, wife would leave him flat because he was "weak" or not her idea of what a "real" man is. I feel sorry as hell for that husband, for the day he gets sick or can't provide the "nice lifestyle" wife feels utterly entitled to--or in any way isn't a manly man--his wife will be outta there. That's not a love match--that's a cash match.

LW, you aren't mature or selfless enough yet for love, bluntly put. You express more concern (and glee) about the drama you are causing than you do caring for either of the guys you're juggling. If you want to live a bad 20-something dramedy, go write one. But you might want to realize that love is a two-way street in which you should care more for those you love than you do playing them off each other or generating false drama.