Letters to the Editor
deering
Published Letters: 1071 Editor's Choice: 19
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You can't prove a negative...
[Read the article: My wife thinks I'm cheating on her -- but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...and Cary's advice here was way off-base. Isn't it more likely that wife needs a lot more help with her PSTD than she's getting than that her husband is cheating? LW could "build trust" for the next twenty years, but that's not going to help if wife is ill and behaving irrationally--in fact, no matter what he does, he's gonna be screwed because his wife won't believe him. She's got a bad idee fixe--the kind that often leads to military-spousal abuse and murder. LW needs to seek heavy-duty help for her and for himself.
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Well, that's all very incense and peppermints...
[Read the article: My wife thinks I'm cheating on her -- but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"I think he gives his perspective, I give mine, you give yours, and this fellow thousands of miles away hopefully gets picture of the many ways he could view this and feels a little bit more like he's part of a community."
But Cary is not dealing with some kind of philosophical karma-community abstraction here. When abuse is involved, the situation is _critical_. It requires outside help, period--do not pass "Go;" do not blather on and play the blame game. As I noted elsewhere, situations like this in the military often end with someone either eating a gun or killing someone, and for Cary to even hint at blaming the LW for no reason is not only ridiculous, it's downright dangerous.
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Oh, come _on_, Cary...
[Read the article: My boss says I'm a lesbian but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Are you seriously suggesting that the LW has something wrong with her or is trying to "trick" people because she doesn't dress "girly?!?" I hate to disillusion you (and the anti-woman SALON crew) but, y'know, sometimes, women just happen to dress for comfort, practicality, or because that's the only thing in the closet that's clean and fits. Trust me, for every woman who puts a ton of thought into the "effect" she wants to produce by deliberating over makeup and clothes for hours, there are at least two who have lives too busy and worthwhile to do much more than the basics. What's with your current trend of "blaming the victim," anyway? Last letter, it was that poor guy with the PSTD wife; now it's this LW who's done nothing wrong. Sheesh.
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For cryin' out loud...
[Read the article: My boss says I'm a lesbian but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"Cary is trying to tell her that for whatever reason, she's adopted a uniform that suggests that she might be a lesbian."
Oh, good Christ. Just because one screwy boss with boundary issues is trying to put the make on the LW, the latter is dressing in a way that "suggests" she might be a lesbian? What does dressing like a lesbian mean, exactly--being a mannish butch type or a very feminine lipstick lesbian? And exactly would you and Cary suggest the LW (and the rest of us who dress-for-comfort and not fashion) do? Ask our bosses every day if what we are wearing is too butch or too femme? Worry that a particular cut of pants or skirt means we are sending out signals or something? Pick certain makeup shades that won't look too "hard." Wear school uniforms? :)
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Fashion twits--gotta love 'em...
[Read the article: My boss says I'm a lesbian but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"I strongly suggest that you start finding and wearing great-looking clothes. Why in the world would you put something ugly onto yourself?"
1) Since when are jeans and a T-shirt ugly?
2) Um, she's a college student working a minimum-wage retail job. Even if she had time to spend looking for "great-looking clothes," exactly where would she get the money to buy them?
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Ain't worth it...
[Read the article: My boss says I'm a lesbian but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"...that cary and many hetero guys think a woman is not attractive till she covers up everything natural about her and produces a fake plastic doll."
One eventually learns that the men who insist on that 1) can never really love real women; 2) aren't worth the grief. I've favored jeans and t-shirts most of my life. I'm sorry for every moment I ever wasted feeling like crap because guys (and some wannabee-fashionista women) told me I "looked like a man" because I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, or didn't think my hair was curly/straight/long/short enough to be "feminine" or any of that garbage. Such people are ignorant, insecure, and never worth dealing with--or listening to.
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@Allie
[Read the article: My boss says I'm a lesbian but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"Anyone else got a better way to change the boss's behavior without pissing her off enough to make the workplace toxic?"
I don't think that's possible. The boss is not only harassing LW, she's escalating. (The incident with the male customer was proof of that--jeez, that was very close to a guy demanding that his girlfriend do it with another girl in front of him.) The boss has some sort of toxic combination of wanting-to-control and lust going on--and it has screwed up her sense of proper workplace behavior, at the very least. Some kinds of toxic bosses can be managed, but in my experience those who have no respect for people and who start their day wanting to make them miserable are more work than if you got another job.
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I'd think a lot more of Whole Foods...
[Read the article: Affordable organic]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...if they didn't situate their stores primarily in upper-class/wealthy neighborhoods that take a good drive to get to. Healthy food only for the rich hardly jibes with their eglatarian-green message.
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If the LW needs a better job...
[Read the article: My boss says I'm a lesbian but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]... she might want to try Trader Joe's or Whole Foods. The former hires college students all the time and have no problem with adjusting hours.
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Don't accept _anything_ from this company...
[Read the article: An elderly salesman terrorized me in front of my kids!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...until you get a lawyer. I'd bet good money this is a gigantic scam and the company knows full well what their salesman is up to. In fact, it's probably SOP at the place.
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Hmm...
[Read the article: An elderly salesman terrorized me in front of my kids!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"I'm curious, though, about why this answer felt "right" while the other one came off all wrong. Thoughts folks?"
With the harassing boss and the PSTD wife thing, I get the feeling Cary forgot the old maxim, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." As well, he let his literary instincts rum amok and his character analysis made him lose sight of the basic problem at hand. This particular problem was more cut-and-dried--and it didn't hit Cary's apparent emotional hot buttons.
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LW should rent out the DVD of...
[Read the article: An elderly salesman terrorized me in front of my kids!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS, and see how even "legit" businesses can run scams.