>And you and he should go away for a while and lie on a beach and walk on the sand and remember why you love each other even more than you love a child or a congregation. You have both been through such hell, and while you have a support group, it sounds like he doesn't. Get some support for your marriage...and the answers to everything will fall into place.<

The LW has to figure out what she really wants and where to compromise. She has this perfect life in mind and is so fixated on it she's in serious danger of reducing everyone else to means to an end. As well, she and husband are hitting what can be a real problem in interfaith or interracial marriages--one party "compromises" on the surface, but when trouble comes or things don't work out, that party falls back on tradition and what they know best. The LW has compromised on the surface, but now that the rubber is hitting the road, her pain is causing her to backtrack. (And it sounds like she's using the "pecked to death by ducks" method to turn her husband into a "good Jewish boy." He's going to services and has agreed to let the children be raised as Jewish. But the LW keeps raising the bar, and he probably suspects she will never be satisfied.) LW, you may not be able to get everything you want. So, what do you value most? I agree with Cary that you need to take time off and figure out what those things are.

>It certainly sounds as though the LW's Jewishness is more a matter of style than substance. She's more concerned about how her husband looks to the rest of the congregation than she is about understanding the core tenets of her faith.<

...which means she's not doing right by her husband or her faith, ironically enough. I'm wondering if she drifted from her faith/its lifestyle; married husband while "away"; then decided that it was time to "get respectable" and conform to the only idea of wife/motherhood she knew.

>She is conflating religion and community, while he seems to view belief in God as separate from community.<

Eheheh. This is a perfect summation of one of the main differences between blue and red states. In many red-state areas, religion and community are a package deal--you don't get to participate in one without the other. And if that is the only game in town, well...

>The fish in your freezer(wife) may not be fresh but in the end fish is still fish and you will not go hungry.<

...the more I realize how lucky I am to be single. No man in the world is worth being reduced down to a convenient-but-frigid Mrs. Paul's ingredient. Sheesh...

>How about not getting suckered in, all you 'security moms' who voted for President Sociopath in 2004?....Try taking a look at conservatives' position on regulation and trade.<

*snort* Please. The reason such women have turned motherhood into an insane, never-ending competition is because they've given up on having any influence in the outside world. (Or they never, ever thought that neo-libertarian lassez-faire crap the Bushies extol would ever have an effect on their families.) So much safer to cocoon with hubby out in McMansion land and put your energies into making your own world instead of working to improve this one.

>And why are we listening to them castigate and look sternly down their noses at us because we don't resemble some bow-legged preying mantis stomping down a cat-walk looking like she's pissed off at the world at Fashion Week?<

God, I _hate_ those fucking "you look like crap, but we can help you, you pathetic slob" shows. I dunno what's worse: the condescending hosts who apparently think the subjects have unlimited time/money just to dress--or the subjects' family and friends who think it's oh-so-funny to humiliate their relative/friend on TV. The whole "entertainment value" of the show is to put the fashion-impaired down, so why should anyone trust the judgement of the kind of people who never outgrew high-school?

>Why such antipathy for mothers? Tangerine, why do you assume mother's (I happen to be one) voted for Bush and the "Daddy" party?<

Because married women were one of the voter sub-segments that helped Bush win both times. And it's been proven in poll after poll that married women are staunch believers in the wingers' idea of "security" and "family-values."

>One day you have children, stop naval staring, and quit wasting your energy on being outraged at the unfairness, depravity, and poverty of the world.<

Yep, because that's one of the reasons this country is in the shape it is in now. Wifeys like you threw up your hands (or most likely, got bored) with trying to change society and decided to retreat to your little McMansion cocoons. Which left the rest of us having to pick up your slack in addition to trying to keep food on the table.

>I can't put an end to the unfairness, depravity, and poverty of the world.<

"Because activism is so haaarddddd..."

>The only power I have is the power to try to bring my child up safely and to become (I hope) an adjusted adult that isn't easy prey for jingoistic reactionaries.<

And once your child is grown, I guess you'll figure you've done everything you need do, right?