His marriage is doomed at the rate things are going. He needs help dealing with his formidable real-world problems, but it's a good bet he 1) thinks men shouldn't do therapy; 2) doesn't really want to live in the real world. And his wife needs to stop enabling him--she's acting more like a mother with a hikikomori teen than a wife.

Remembering birthdays and keeping track of addresses with a minimum of hassle are why PDAs (and iPhones) were invented. :) On my Handspring Visor (yep, it's old, but it still works great) you just have to mark someone's birthday as a "yearly" event, and it will show up on that same day for as many years as your PDA goes up to. And it's a breeze to move chores/appointments to another day, and change addresses--a task I used to hate to do when I had a paper dayplanner. Palm has PDAs ranging for about $80 or so for a basic one to $250 for ones that are practically mini-computers. Or you could get uber-techie and go the high-end cellphone route, depending on what you need and how you want to schedule things.

>Apparently Amtrak is about to invest millions in their infrastructure. I saw a big sign about it in the train station.<

Don't know as that will be for everyone, though. From an 8/12 NYT article on luxury train travel:

>Even long-maligned Amtrak is getting into the act, and plans to introduce restored vintage cars on several long cross-country and Eastern Seaboard routes.

Working with Grand Luxe Rail Journeys, Amtrak is equipping the cars with lounges that feature live piano music and upscale dining cabins with uniformed waiters. The restored cars will be connected to regular Amtrak trains, but passengers from other cars will not be able to enter the upscale section.<

>So before you get in your pile remember, if you can what a decrepit joke the city had become.<

Yep, because New York has never, ever had a mayor who brought the city back from the brink without virtual martial law; accelerating the process of making NYC a place where only the rich can live--and black men getting shot for no good reason. As we all know, anything is justified so long as ignorant/fearful white people feel safe--and everyone else pays the price.

>one blames whitey...<

Dude, if you have problems with reading comprehension, you really should get that taken care of before you try to talk with the grownups. Anyone who followed Giuliani's record knows he was racist scum. Just a look at how he handled the Dorismond and Louima killings (by denying, distorting, and--in Dorismond's case--trying to defame) was proof enough. He gave the NYPD free reign to treat black men and teenagers like crap--a problem the city is still suffering from today. And we won't even get into how he routinely shut out African-American city politicians and groups from having fair imput into issues that affected _their_ communities. Just because you don't follow the news, or have drunk the Kool-Aid...or just can't handle facts doesn't make the latter go away.

...that Giuliani, Bush, and all the GOP ilk got a ton of mileage out of white fear of Arabs/black folks/immigrants/whoever. Hell, without dark-skinned folks to freak people out over, half of Bush's platform would be gone.

...why guys like this have kids in the first place. Or why they get married, for that matter. They are in love with their work more than anything else--a fact they make plain by never being at home and constantly having affairs/serial marrying. So, why don't they just save themselves time, grief, and money by realizing they aren't cut out for wife and family? One of the reasons George Clooney is one of the smartest guys out there is because he's recognized that he isn't down for kinder/kuche--and he's not going to let pissed-off "family-values" reporters (*coff* Diane Sawyer *coff*) or peer pressure force him into them.

I've made the breakfast casserole mentioned here, but I've never seen a recipe for it that demanded one use "uncheap" cheese. Just out of curiosity, what kind would the LW's friend prefer? Brie? Gouda? Stilton? Thanks for any enlightenment anyone can offer...:)

...if the LW's friends don't think this food is nutritious/good enough, why don't they make something else?

>Perfectionists may go to heaven at last, but they spend most of their lives here in hell. And sometimes they make life hell for the rest of us.<

Heh--your husband does the same thing my mom does. No matter how much anyone accomplishes and how good their lives are, that's never good enough for her. And it's always the little "screwups" she focuses on--for example, when my brother got a major job promotion, was she happy for his achievement? Nope--she was worried he'd blow it because he doesn't dress "right": i.e. wear suits everyday. But the company he works for is Dockers-land from top to bottom, so how is he going to mess things up? I've found that perfectionists are extremely good at extending their cure for their insecurities onto everyone else. My mother wishes she could dress "right" all the time (like someone in a Talbots catalog,)which is she denigrates people who don't do so--or don't care to do so. (And don't get her started on hair, for God's sake--the only way she thinks black women should wear their hair is straight and styled. Period. :))

In any case, congratulations to you on having more sense and compassion than your husband--and for raising kids who are wiser than he is. It can be very hard to stand up to a perfectionist because they are always present their fears as _the_ right way to go--and are usually very organized and (seemingly) confident. Good on you for holding down the fort--g!