Last November I met a woman. I felt a connection with her, in a way I haven't felt in several years. We hung out once, and it was great, but I couldn't seem to make it happen again. Eventually she told me why. She had recently suffered terrible abuse at the hands of a boyfriend, and the experience left her unable/unwilling to do much of anything with other people, particularly anything that seemed like a "date." For a while she spent most of her time in her apartment with booze, blankets, and cats.

She knows she has nothing to fear from me, quite the opposite, actually, but that doesn't solve the problem. She's not very sociable at the best of times, and this sort of thing damaged her severely. I recently gave her an open invitation. If she ever wants to hang out with me (in any context,) she need only tell me. I won't bother her any more. She thanked me. I won't hold my breath.

She tried to explain to me why abusers get girlfriends in the first place. She said they have charisma, among other things. I guess this means that awful people seem to be really appealing, and I guess that also means that the reverse is true as well. That's completely counterintuitive, and I can't fathom it. People sometimes say that abusers grow up seeing (or experiencing) abuse, and thus they feel it's normal/right. That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Nobody thinks that everything they grew up with is desirable, particularly things that hurt.

I can't comprehend this, as much as I try. It makes me angry that people (and their pets) are abused like this, but more importantly I'm completely confused by it. It's totally backwards. I can't be sweet to her (in person,) I can't make her feel good. I can't get a date, much less a girlfriend, and yet these abusers can?!?

Even if it's just masturbation. People, including teens and single people, Fender, are going to have sex. You can't stop them. Canuckistan Bob pointed out what happens when men find it too difficult to gain access to women.

The trick, then, is to minimize any potential negative consequences from sex. The solution is sex education, and it is a solution indeed. The Dutch have the lowest rate of teen pregnancy and STDs among fully-industrialized countries (ours is the highest.) You can find similar patterns among different parts of the US.

It frustrates me to no end that people still, STILL, do not know this. It's so elementary, it's so obvious, but people like you, and these parents, and the Muslims you praise, just don't get it. People suffer as a result, but do you view that as a just punishment for the sin of having sex?

Why do Northern Europeans seem to get it, and so much of the rest of the world doesn't? Is their trailblazing secularism the sole answer?

Oh, and Grungie, it's not a question of opinion. Do I have to explain why Noah's Ark is not a true story?

... somehow, we're the immoral ones.

I probably don't have to tell you that a the authors of a feminist blog ought to do some careful checking before they announce their "girlcrush" on a born-again Christian. Perhaps there are no conflicts, but are you sure you won't regret this?

Where are those? How do I get this experience they all want? I've been wondering this for a few years now.

... they don't want anybody to have sex if they're not, either, so they're interested in things they think will deter non-procreative, particularly unmarried sex.

Do I really have to have this argument again?

... because they know nothing about the world outside. It's not because of "culture," let alone "brainwashing," which is a term that gets thrown around irresponsibly. It actually refers to a specific procedure of attempting to forcibly control an individual's thoughts.

One often hears about how most poor people are women and children. This seems to be because men leave, rather than rear children. It's rampant, and, as far as I know, longstanding. And of course it's true that many men, me for one, make it clear that we have no desire for children, though we do not avoid them by running away.

That doesn't negate evolution, but it demonstrates that this bit of popular evolutionary psychology is very simplistic.

It played (and was awesome) at the AFI Film Festival, if that counts.

Has anybody ever had a discussion/argument about this? When you point out to the abstinonsensical people about the high STD/Pregnancy rates in the Bible Belt, as well as the international comparisons (lowest in the Netherlands, etc.) what do they say?

... as Canuckistan Bob accurately pointed out. It's *ALL* religion. Religion poisons everything, and it stops a thinking brain.

Some have asked about the solution. You can see it in the descriptions of Iraq before everything went downhill. Gradual prosperity, ongoing improvements in education, and perhaps a measure of official secularism lead to increased secularization. It's true all over the world. The US is the most religious rich country (not counting the Persian Gulf states,) and even here, most people don't go to church regularly.

I have this hypothesis that Europeans who desire some immigrants but fear Islamic backwardness ought to ban Middle Eastern immigration and (following the Iberian example) import lots of Latin Americans (some are still very religious, but you know what I mean.) I wonder, though, if it isn't a greter public service to allow Muslim immigration and then modernize them, or at least modernize the next generation. I don't know if it's worth the risk of honor killings. The one in Lewisville was just a few klicks from me, and I didn't realize the perpetrator had left the country.

But yeah, this kind of behavior just boggles the mind.

... that these consequences can deter people from having sex. It's all about punishment; that's where the "rape exception" comes from.