This is a beautiful article, but if you read his subsequent book, The Audacity of Hope, he sounds a lot more like the politician/writers Kamiya decries in the beginning of his piece.

The message I take is that politics is really a terrible business and that all candidates will fail at some point. My idea of idealism would be the wish simply that they be ordinarily good, and do not have a capacity for betrayal as big as the temptations with which they are faced.

Obama is a human being, a very bright and interesting one, but human nonetheless. I will paraphrase E.M.Forster: Two cheers for Obama, no one but God and the Republic deserves three.

In America, where, last I checked, separation of church and state still exists, the experience of Jewish courts may shed some light on what can happen even when religious bodies are not sanctioned by the government.

The major raison d'etre of beth dins, at least in those in the New York area, seems to be granting divorces. Under Orthodox Jewish law, a civil divorce is not enough to allow a religious Jewish woman to remarry. She becomes an "agunah," neither a widow nor a wife and prohibited from marriage.

The growing influence of more and more reactionary intrepretations of Judaism has made some rabbis less willing to grant divorces -- and, some say, more susceptible to abuses of power. This often leads to unethical if not illegal behavior on the part of men who are empowered to ruin their exes' lives. Because of this, beth dins become more and more irrelevant except in ultra orthodox communities -- with the result that the decisions of enlightened beth dins areignored.

We have civil law, and a civil society, precisely to insure that such abuses are not permitted to stand.

Please google "Beck Depression Index" to find the simplest and most widely used instrument to determine depression, and answer the ten or so questions. What you describe is exactly what clinical depression is. I hope that it comforts you somewhat to know that what you feel is a clinically identifiable disease. The point is not to explain it or rationalize, but cure it. Some people's genetics make them vulnerable to breast cancer or Lou Gehrig's disease -- yours, mine and many others' makes us vulnerable to a disorder of perception, emotion and meaning.

Depression alters brain chemistry as much as LSD, and trying to figure out its meaning is no more productive than ascribing meaning to a drug-induced aura or hallucination. What you perceive as rubble and the direst of human futility are the altered perceptions of depression.

Please get treatment. If you we're a diabetic, you would not turn down insulin -- controlling your blood sugar would make it possible for you to live almost as if you didn't have a disease. Depression is not different. The right medication is like realizing one day that the door to your cell is unlocked. Life changes because you change.

You don't say how old your kids are, but if their friends (or cousins)are going, it's probably more about that than anything. Then keeping them in a group that they feel safe in and connected to is not a bad idea -- and coming between them and their friends is not always worth the misery.

However, if what appeals to them is just swimming, hiking, arts and crafts, etc, etc -- why continue to let them form warm and fuzzy associations with ideologies you find repugnant? There are a zillion wonderful camp experiences out there -- try to find some friends with whom they can try something else.

@ the cheat-theorists: The husband's gay and had five children to prove he isn't... Or they had four girls and the husband still wanted to try for a boy...Or the they had four boys and the poor mother just wanted one girl...horrible childhood experiences may have made her a masochist....

@ guys-burned-by-divorce: Anybody besides me know women who are paying alimony to worthless men? In community property states (50) assets and debts are half-half, which is why men's standard of living goes up and women's goes down. Look around you -- this is a fact, but even if it weren't, the house has to be sold and the debts must be paid and children are the ones who really lose out. BTW how come so many divorced fathers get out of paying for their kids's college educations? Don't hit me -- I'm just asking.

@ respecters-of-religion-who-think-people-have-five-children -because-God-wants-them-to: LW's letter is too articulate to suggest brain damage.

@ sex-therapists: Your advice should include use a condom, since having unprotected sex with a man who says he's leaving is beyond self-destructive (see above under horrible childhood experiences.)

@ Cary: Really, this proves that Salon does not edit you, but maybe the legal dept should check Salon's liability if you drive someone to suicide.

@ Tina: If Nurk_2 and rodian really did all those good things for wife and family, you should find out if they are still/yet available.

@ Nurk_2 and rodian: It's easy to be a hero on a blog post. If you're that busy giving of yourself, what are you doing writing multiple, self-aggrandizing posts??? Are you lying -- or just bald with hair on your back? (What am I doing writing nasty blog posts -- well, I never said I was nice.)

@ LW: Get some sleep, hug your baby, and don't try to fix your husband's problems. They're his and only he can make the decision to deal with them. Whoever said, Don't discuss it, agree to divorce and get as many concessions as you can written down before your husband's guilt wears off was right. Do it soon -- if you thought love wore off too soon, wait until you see how fast guilt loses it's traction....You can always change your mind.