Letters to the Editor
AJCalhoun
Published Letters: 964 Editor's Choice: 127
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Good Call by Cary
[Read the article: I think my boyfriend had an episode of major depression]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The possibility of a "depressive episode", while worded awkwardly, is not only a good call, but is undoubtedly what the LW was living alongside all those months. Depression isn't something which, by definition, is a "wooden leg" that needs a prosthesis (in this case that would be some
"magic pill" of the SSRI variety), but sometimes is actually a normal response to a life-changing
event. The denial part also was a good call, as that is the purpose it is intended to serve. Of course, it occurs in the unconscious, so we don't have direct access to it, any more than we do the actual depressed state we might be in, so it's hard to call off the dogs when (and only if) things get worse.
Having lived with anxiety, panic disorder and depression in alternating cycles with periods of remission(odd conditions for a firefighter/EMT turned healthcare worker, but it worked for me)I can attest to both the value of denial, the difficulty of self-assessment and the huge difficulty
posed by a loved one or very close other trying to force a "correction" on the patient is painful
in numerous ways, as it is presumably motivated, right or wrong, by love and concern (or maybe just a wish that life were easier for the nagger).
If the depresee falls into another hole any time soon, then the nagger becomes the potential hero
but if she is just going to keep wondering and worrying that this may happen again some time, and
therefore feels obligated to hound her guy about having been down in the dumps for a few months, maybe she should see someone about her own issues before trying to "fix" his. Happiness is not the default state of mind for anyone who isn't brain-damaged. On the other hand, plunging into a black hole of despair for long periods of time (and this isn't what I took from the letter) is a
pathology that needs some sort of care.
I've been off work for over a year due to a work-related injury, and I have experienced a profound change in outlook during that time. I know why. I am not suffering a depression of the brain (and calling depression a "mental illness" isn't really helpful, as whether the "blues" is situational or due to a malfunction in the brain chemistry alone, it is still a malfunction in the brain's chemistry and therefore is better thought of as just an illness. We've been trying to de-stigmatize these malfunctions for a long time. It would help if people would quit referring to us freaks as being "mentally ill." Me, I'm just sick of my extended vacation and not evolved enough to accept it as a life lesson - yet. I happen to know a good Jungian therapist of some renown, so if I find I'm not dealing with life in general in a good way, I pay him a visit and we talk. But that's my choice. It could just as easily have been the gardener.
Living with a woman with an MA in psych is a mixed blessing. She often observes that I am "depressed" and will issue a brief on the benefits of SSRIs. I'm not miserable and I'm not thinking about killing myself. I just don't especially like the situation re:my work and having to be away from it. That's a reasonable reaction and it often affects my outer mood. If we can't get through the "better or worse" parts of life together (or, more to the point, the LW can't) then telling someone to "take a pill so I'll feel better" begins to become, well, pretty damned depressing.
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Sweet Jesus!
[Read the article: Thou revealest too much!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Do we have to listen to yet another round of waffling rooted in cultural relativism (this time the culture of what is presumed to be the Unitarian Church)? When is this practice of comparing possible reasons for bad behavior going to become passe among the ultra-hip? For god's sake, the woman in question (not the LW, the one she's writing about) has some major problems. Teens aren't made uncomfortable about discussions of sex - they are made uncomfortable by inappropriate and off-color discussions of sex, when said discussions are led and fed by an adult! Does it have to be complicated? Am I nuts for even asking? Of course it does, because we gotta respect all the possible sensitivities involved here, never mind doing the Right Thing. That would be so WRONG!
And yeah, why would this LW W her L to an advice columnist instead of taking the matter directly to the people who are involved? Of course the answer is that whatever church she's involved with,it's pretty clear social stability trumps moral (!) responsibility. As one of the other respondents suggested, perhaps the LW ought to bring a big-ass dildo in for show and tell. If she's uncertain how to deal with what she clearly sees as a problem then she may as well join in and play awready! Kee-rist!