I'm in the "let it go" camp. My dad's death may or may not have been hastened by alcohol - I tend to think not. But he spent 5 years deteriorating, under a daily "you've outlasted expectations" death sentence. His second wife was an idiot and also another alcoholic. If I'd have been him, I'd have been probably looking for much stronger drugs than alcohol.

1. You're not that close. Why should he listen to you? What is your real chance of having an impact?

2. He's 68. His liver is bad. He may perceive himself as already dying. He may be already dying. He may have the attitude, "why quit now, the damage is done". You'd better be prepared to have a good case why not. How much better will his health be if he quits? Is the damage irreversible? What other health problems does he have?

3. The point about smoking is actually completely accurate. You're damaging your health on an addictive substance that you refuse to quit. So's he. Where's your moral standing?

4. Fighting over drinking may distract you both from facing his (possibly) pending death. He's 68. He may be an old 68 or a young 68, he may or may not perceive himself as on his final road, but facing that together may give you more peace than fighting over drinking.

Glen, I think you're off base with respect to non-psychoactive drugs (at least). If I decide I really could benefit from high powered cancer chemotherapy drugs to treat my asthma because I read something about it working on the web, should I have access to them?

There's another problem which is that the doctor has also become the gatekeeper for the insurance company. To re-use the same analogy, should I be able to make my insurance company cover expensive chemotherapy drugs (I have no idea how much they cost - many hundreds of dollars I'm thinking) because I think it will help my asthma?

With respect to psychoactive drugs, the issue changes somewhat but not completely. I'm all for the decriminalization of current scheduled drugs. I believe our government could transfer (not that they would, but they could) a small fraction of the money currently spent on enforcement to treatment and our society would benefit tremendously. That probably includes drugs like xanax, etc. I don't think (as one who's taken a wide variety of anti-depressants and other medications) that the average person can make a sensible decision about which medication to take, how much, when, etc.

I think that besides the case you describe, where a person has done a lot of study but can't convince their doctor that they need anti-depressants and wants to take them anyway, there's a more likely case where someone influenced by TV ads just goes out to give them a try because they've had a bad week. Doesn't pay attention to the ramp-up time, and starts taking double, triple doses. After 3 weeks they decide this stuff ain't workin', and they drop it entirely at which point they go into a major skid and kill themselves and maybe their neighbors.

I'm surprised that people are just now figuring out about the response bias of reviewers. My simple solution is, sort by rating, low ratings first, and read the low rating reviews, look at the ratio of ones and twos to the total response base, and use that to judge.

If I want to buy an mp3 player and there's a lot of people on Amazon saying that reliability is really poor for this model, I'll take notice. There are always a certain number of people who are going to hate any given thing, but if the negatives run higher in count, ratio, or consistently remark on one feature, I'll take it into account in my purchase decision.

You can rarely learn much from reading the 5 ratings, although they're worth a look. There's often one or two that goes into extensive detail about what they like that can give you a sense of the actual product.

LW sounds like despite misfortunes he is very independent and responsible. He may not be accustomed to asking for help. You might be surprised what you get. Even a temp job might make room for you to return if you asked them. Airlines give bereavement fares - they usually require proof that someone has already died, but you might be able to find a sympathetic ear of someone who'd find a way to make it work for you. do you know anyone who has any money you could borrow? If you haven't tapped out your credibility borrowing from friends already, you might be able to find someone who can help. It wouldn't take much for the plane, you could sleep on someone's floor, and if you had a job waiting on your return, well, it might be possible to pull this off. You have to ask for help.

I was present when my step father died altho he was not conscious by the time I arrived. I was not present when my first father died. All things considered, being present was better for me, but not vastly better. Personally I'd say go if you can, but if you can't it won't change your life. If your mom's in a coma a this point, there's nothing you can say to her and visiting is for your sense of closure.

When someone posts anonymously, do you still save the poster's id? If so, when you delete an abusive letter you could ban the user.