You don't have the same values. You're very achievement oriented. Regardless of whether you look back on any given achievement in 20 years time and think it was the right one, you're driven to notch 'em up. If you decide in 20 years that becoming a doctor wasn't really the right thing for you, you'll switch to a different set of achievements to strive after. No judgment intended in those statements good or bad, it's just who you are, it's how you're wired. It's how you structure your life, it's what you *do*. The specifics don't matter so much, you're driven to be achieving, doing your best, 24x7.

He's not.

You can be a great couple for awhile, you can honestly respect him for his intelligence (not all smart people go to college, not everyone who goes to college is smart) and his happy life that is successful by his own measure. But the tension in values won't go away. It's not what he does (or what you do) it's what he wants compared to what you want.

If you want to have a chance of this relationship succeeding, you need to really get deep down into what he does want. How does he measure success? How does he measure happiness? You can admire his measures, but can you share them? I can read your measure of life from your letter, but not his. What does he want?

I submit that if you can't share his measures of success and happiness the long term prognosis of your relationship is doubtful.

but the linked blog, "Classical Values" can't be taken very seriously if their slogan is "End the culture war by restoring classical values"

From the right wing perspective, isn't the culture war purely ABOUT restoring classical values? So couldn't you restate their motto as "End the culture war by winning it"? Seems pretty reductive to me, and quite against the classical value of thoughtful analysis.

Sorry, if your slogan contradicts your claimed intention, I have no reason to expect meaningful insight from your blog.

Next.

What's with all this talk about your future as a novelist? Are you making this all up? LW, if you're real, I apologize. You sound just too pat. Cary, if you've made this guy up you need to do some more work on your characterization.

I think the format of an online advice column is terrific. It enables people like me to be wise, judgmental, thoughtful, and anonymous. What's the real reason reality shows are so successful? It enables us to be judgmental. But without that edge of reality, it just would feel like another tv show. Or online fiction.

Say it ain't so, Cary. I've enjoyed your column and contributed my own judgments and wisdom in the comments. I'd feel like a sap if I found out it was all just in service of Cary's novel.

Ho hum. It's been done (and brilliantly so, I might add, by the good Doc Pyro)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tags/barbiedeathcamp/interesting/

Saber rattling about Iran always leads me back to the same question. Regardless of whether you think Iran is a real and present danger, what are we gonna do about it? I actually think it's more likely for Iran to become a nuclear danger than it was for Iraq to become a nuclear danger, but with our troops spread so thinly in Iraq that we can't support the needs of Afghanistan, where are the troops coming from to attack Iran?