Letters to the Editor
Published Letters: 214 Editor's Choice: 36
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Myth perpetuation
[Read the article: Daddy dilemma]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Part of it is guy posturing. Many of my pals talk a good game about how their wives finally put the clamp down and demanded they do the deed, but deep down they're all glad the women forced the issue. They knew the day was coming; most of us want it to come, even if few of us ever feel the time is exactly right.
I absolutely hate this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no one's ever completely prepared to be a parent and all that. But the conventional wisdom--"You really do want to be a parent! You just don't know it yet!" is wrong and dangerous and has destroyed marriages, sometimes after a woman, believing that her husband does, deep down, want nothing more than to be a daddy, "accidentally" gets pregnant. It's called the "oops."
Please don't perpetuate this myth. Yes, if I had children, maybe I would find that they were the best thing that ever happened to me. Or maybe not. Maybe I shoulda been a doctor or maybe an airline pilot, or taught basic literacy in some village school in Botswana. Who knows? We all have regrets about the life path we chose not to take, and sometimes I regret not having children.
But what I don't regret: that I decided not to do so because my husband, kind, funny, brilliant, who loves me more than anything, didn't want them, and I didn't want to force such a major life change on him, because marriage means that your partner's happiness means as much, or more to you, than your own. Oh, and it also means respect for your partner's wishes, and not patronizing second-guessing. Perhaps my husband would have been a great father. (As an uncle, he is fantastic.) Perhaps he would have been a merely dutiful one who, deep down, saw his children as an intrusion on his life's work. I would never do that either to him...or to the children. You'd be surprised at how often that happens. In the immortal words of Philip Larkin, they fuck you up, your mum and dad. They don't mean to, but they do.
I'm curious to see tomorrow's installment, and I'm hoping that either Smith did respect and love his wife enough not to force her to a choice she was reluctant to make, or that, if he insisted on having his own way, that she really, truly is glad that he did. In the case of the second scenario, though, we may never know the truth, because the human mind is so good at rationalizing the acceptance of what the heart rejects. And ten years down the road, the truth may come out--to the detriment of Smith's wife, their children, and their marriage.
Which may be an awfully heavy price to pay for not being the oldest guy handing out orange slices at a soccer game. But that's the way it is with the Kodak moments.
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Maybe he's just incredibly stupid...
[Read the article: The DHS's Brian Doyle: Not just perverted. Stupid, too]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...or maybe there is such a culture of entitlement and false invincibility surrounding that administration and all its members, no matter how cretinous their behavior, that he really truly thought he couldn't get caught.
Makes me wonder what other kinds of sleazy, icky, criminal acts are being perpetrated in the Bush administration that hasn't yet seen the light of day (other than, of course, the screwing of the American public).
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oops, haven't.
[Read the article: The DHS's Brian Doyle: Not just perverted. Stupid, too]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]haven't, HAVEN'T, Trench, not hasn't. Learn to write grammatically.
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All this really tells us
[Read the article: Teen boys buy lady-luring spray]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...is that twelve-year-old boys are both sex-crazed and gullible. Who knew? They're probably the same ones who, decades ago, saved their paper route money to buy gadgets **GUARANTEED** to increase the size of their pectorals and biceps in three weeks!
Sadly, these are exactly the kind who will grow up insisting that women don't want to date "nice guys." Or, at least the women they want to attract.
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This from a magazine
[Read the article: Glamour exposes "the new lies about women's health"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...that features recipes called "Engagement Chicken" and "Hook-Him Apple Pie."
Not that there's anything wrong with cooking for your husband, or finding an ability to cook an appealing trait in a prospective partner of either sex. But claiming that staff members who served these dishes to their boyfriends got marriage proposals doesn't exactly add to Glamour's feminist credentials. Or, I regret to add, their credibility.
(Hmmm...on the other hand, maybe if I make them for my husband he will be magically induced to clean up the garage and build me a new bookcase...worth a shot...)
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If only...
[Read the article: The "Daddy dilemma," one year later]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I have plenty of wonderful, interesting, childless friends over 40 which I would be happy to introduce to Savvy in NYC...only I'm afraid they would no longer be my friends.
Fearful of disappointment, that's me all right. And not even forty. Quod erat demonstrandum.