Your words have gotten me through confusing times. I wish you the best. I'll be here, reading.

The next time he goes on one of his screeds, buy a whale sounds CD and start playing it in your office. What's the office policy on incense? Any way you could work in some talk about your chakras into your next conversation? Have a twinkle in your eye while you do it.

Simply turn this hyper-detail fixation on YOURSELF. Because you are every bit as vulnerable, have just the same potential for pathetic-ness or greatness, as these other people.

Once you start to do that for a while, you might get depressed for a bit. Don't worry about it. When you come out the other side, you will have a much more balanced view, and will no longer feel like a guilty spy (because you see that this is an exchange between many vulnerable people, yourself included). It is at that point that you will be able to use your powerful observation skills in a useful way, and it will be a source of strength to you.

You are contradicting yourself. You say that people should wake up and accept the new reality. Fine. But then you also say that people should look around and see what the community needs, and point at the old mom-and-pop system.

That system was pre-globalization. Pre-internet. You couldn't just go to Amazon and get a used book for $2, which is why the mom-and-pop bookstore was able to get by.

I understand that, in your view, you are trying to help. But your words are simply not helpful to someone who is emotionally broken. It's like yelling at an alcoholic to stop drinking. It is ineffective.

Big, societal changes take time to process. I think kicking people when they're down shows a very low character.

You just labeled someone an objectifier.

Husband: Was living free in a small apt. with his girlfriend, but chose to accept charity from his dysfunctional family in the form of a new living arrangement that put him in a two-block radius of said dysfunctional family, with one member as the new landlord. Married his strong-willed girlfriend, who is now taking the action HE should be taking in dealing with his family.

Why are you writing this instead of him?

The daughter already has a REAL dad. The one who "was hesitant to get hitched, but has never questioned our daughter's paternity and has always been a devoted daddy."

You are making the classic mistake many T's make (Myers Briggs T's). You are assuming that people are peripheral to the solution.

People are part of the solution - WITH their natures. This is a variable that you need to add to your equation. When you look at it this way, you'll see that you need to do some skill-building in this area, because people don't have the same characteristics as widgets and need to be handled differently.

It's maddening, but know that this complexity and differentiation, in the big, Big, BIG picture, is necessary.

LW, when you saw that both groups were leaving at the same time, you could've held your group back to avoid possible confrontation. You could've run away once confrontation was impending. You could've thrown the fight to avoid fighting yourself. But you didn't. I think you didn't because all of those things require you to squelch your life force.

I don't see anything wrong with what you did. Like it or not, there is a feral, animalistic side to our natures. Some more than others, like your opponent.

I agree with the other posters that you may have prevented some other, weaker people from getting beaten up in the future.

You're human. You wanted to prove yourself, and you did. He set the tone for the interaction, you defended yourself. You want to be able to walk tall and have a sense of self, without being a bully. Why deny that?

Like you said, you're only young once. There's no guarantee the job you get in New York or wherever will be any better. Why not use the extra energy you have (from not being challenged on the job) to explore Europe?

Have your fill over there, and then come back. Twenty-three is still young, you'll still have plenty of time to parlay that experience into a more career-track job later.

People's attitudes about money are part of their overall character. If you see a childishness around the area of money, then that childishness exists elsewhere in her character, you just haven't known her long enough to see it yet.

So, either you secretly are jealous, in which case, you might find yourself relaxing about money and taking on more of her view in time. Or, you are legitimately turned off, in which case, you will see over time that the childishness is an overall pattern not just limited to money.

Just be aware of the whole person, and how the parts are connected, and you will be able to see, over time, whether she is the one or not. One good test would be to see how she deals with difficulty.

Man, Cary's response was so beautiful, and actually answered the heart of the LW's question. What a perfect blend of honesty and compassion. Usually, you only get one or the other from people.

Then, I read these letters, and I'm like... did we just read the same response? The LW is having an existential problem, not a career problem.

That was well said. Amen.

When did we decide that people of average intelligence who are good at working with their hands are worthless? I'm appalled at Neoconservatives and Libertarians. But I'm equally appalled at elitist, clueless Democrats.