Letters to the Editor
cd4928
Published Letters: 41 Editor's Choice: 4
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What sad lives...
[Read the article: The workers I supervise are out of control]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]In reading the LWs letter and many of the responses, I am struck by how much scorn people have for each other.
Here's a news flash: managing people is a job for those who can DEAL with people! If you have seething contempt for people you see as "stupid," you are in the wrong job. Management is not for the rigid.
I chalk it up to a business hierarchy which rewards financially those who move "up the ladder" to having direct reports. You get a lot of people who want the money but have no skills with or interest in people who are different from them.
To say that analyzing people is not your job is ludicrous. Understanding those you hope to lead is 80% of your job. That's what you get paid for, not to sit around and whine "they're stupid and unmotivated!" If you're not up to the challenge, do society a favor and get a different job where you don't have to manage anyone. The same goes for the rest of the contemptuous assholes in the letters.
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Travel
[Read the article: I'm sexy and available! Chat me up!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I don't know if this is feasible, but if you can, it might help to travel abroad. I remember back when I was shyer than I am now, traveling abroad gave me a surprising bout of courage. Somehow, knowing I was somewhere where noone knew me allowed me to kind of reinvent myself. Not anything drastic, just me, but better. You might be able to practice flirting in a "safe" environment. Plus, as a foreigner, you draw more attention and this might be interesting for you to experience.
The only risk is that you do end up meeting someone and then they live a zillion miles away when you go home.
Anyway, just my two cents...
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Be glad you're not your sister
[Read the article: My sister triggers my rage]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You've had distance and therapy. Your sister LIVES with your mother and may not have the growth urge to get therapy.
So it makes sense that she would be neurotic.
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Make sure to shore up your boundaries
[Read the article: Will my family drag us down?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]An ungrateful son never bothers to think about whether he's ungrateful. Your compassion for your family is commendable.
I WOULD suggest, however, that you read/go to therapy to learn more about having boundaries before you go. With difficult families, the phrase "good fences make good neighbors" is very appropriate. If you are confident in your ability to make good fences, it will really lessen your family's ability to "drag you down." And, in turn, that will enable you to offer the best of yourself, not what's left over after you're exhausted from being hurt.
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What are you afraid of?
[Read the article: My boss says I'm a lesbian but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, you don't need GBLT "street cred" to prove that you're not homophobic. And you don't need to endure harassment to prove you're not homophobic either. Why are you living by other people's rules? What do YOU think? Are you homophobic or not?
If the answer is no, then end of story. If someone else (gay or straight) thinks you're homophobic but you're not, then they are just as wrong as the people who think you're gay but you're not. You don't have to fall all over yourself trying to prove that you "belong" in someone else's culture. Just be yourself.
Wear what you want, defend yourself. If people think you're gay, they're wrong (unless you really are in the closet). If people think you're homophobic, they're also wrong. It's called having an internal locus of control.
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He's too smart for that
[Read the article: Curious George]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]What a bunch of pseudo-intellectual claptrap. He's so smart that he has to be an observer because he can't deal with how stupid we all are?
Like Heather astutely pointed out, he's just emotionally protecting himself. It's fine to be detached, but when detachment devolves into nihilism, that's just unobserved emotions coming to the surface.
He needs to get out of his head.
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Maybe sleep deprivation will help
[Read the article: Could I quit the drinking but keep the hangovers? ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Maybe part of it is the sleep deprivation. I have noticed that I do have more of a one-track mind when I've not had enough sleep. Not enough energy to worry, I guess.
Maybe try getting only 5 hours of sleep (or whatever is much less than your normal amount of sleep) once a week. Maybe that will help...
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@ Mizmoon
[Read the article: Help! I'm committing professional suicide!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"Yes, it's simply depression and a magic pill will make it all better. That's all - just a magic pill. No work needs to be done. Just take a pill and shut up already."
Your knee-jerk response is as simplistic as the stereotype you talk about above.
Yes, psychiatrists are too quick to put the answers in a pill. And yes, the placebo effect is real.
But as someone who had major depression, I can tell you, medication worked in my case. It is not the "answer" and I am not on medication anymore, and I did a lot of work. But the medication lifted me above the fog so that I could view my problems in a way that was not overwhelming. It gave me the space from which I could do the work.
Doing the work is hard when you can't get out of bed.
There is a personal component (which is solved by taking personal responsibility) but also a chemical component. Sometimes taking care of the personal component solves the chemical component (as in situational depression), but sometimes it doesn't. Just like sometimes diet change is enough to fix diabetes, but sometimes it isn't.
Like most things, depression has many facets and contributing factors. It just doesn't lend itself to broad-brush stereotypes, of any kind.