I am a 53 y.o. female who raised a daughter, largely while single. I didn't spank her nearly as often as I was spanked. Being raised myself in east Tennessee where religion dictated "spare the rod and spoil the child", *everyone* spanked their children when they crossed the line. I can still see my mom reach on top of the refrigerator for that paddle that came with but was missing the rubber string and ball. I and my two siblings got it (and earned it) fairly frequently. When we *really* messed up, we had to wait for Dad to get home, and that meant getting it with his belt.

Only once can I remember being left with welts from the belt. Never did I get marked by Mom, even when she sent us to the hedge row for a switch. Mom and Dad never hit us anywhere but on the bum, and believe me, at the time it definitely hurt.

Though I resented it at the time and intended to use rationality on any children I might later have, I was naive and didn't understand just how far kids can push sometimes, and what an ultimately calming effect a good spanking can have on an out-of-control child.

Today I have no regrets about my parents' disciplinary choices for me, nor those I took with my own daughter. However, what I *do* regret was the way my parents handled and communicated their views about teen sexuality. I got so many harshly negative messages linking sex and shame, as well as bifurcating sex from love, that they strongly effected my ability to conduct healthy sexual relationships with either of my husbands, the second of whom from which I was divorced 20 years ago.

Since that time, with a lot of counseling and self-help, I've transformed all that sex negativity into a very positive and healthy intimate life. But until I did, attaining and maintaining healthy adult intimacy was an emotional mystery to me.

I say let's not waste time and money on legislating spankings - which in my experience were not harmful. Instead let's make sure young people get responsible, fully informative sex education - not abstinence-only sex ed, whether like that being funded with taxpayer money today, or like what my parents and local community used so effectively to shame me into serious adult avoidance and dysfunction.

Ironically, and perhaps not so coincidentally, today I thoroughly enjoy a bit of spanking in my intimate life.

Sign me -

Sex positive and loving it

When polyamory is the subject of a news article, certain assertions are invariably quickly made, i.e. that polyamory is just an excuse for cheating, it's bad for the kids, it's bound to result in the spread of STDs, and so forth. Polyamory as a concept clearly evokes fear in some folks. This is understandable. It scares we polyamorists, too, sometimes, and we want it, so it isn’t difficult to imagine how someone not so inclined might feel if their partner came home one day and said “Honey, I’m interested in polyamory, would you consider giving it a try?”

We are all subject to the fear of loss those words inspire because we’ve all been marinated in the same culture that has told us since we were born that love is scarce and must be hoarded. When you add to that the anthropological fact that possessiveness was once a useful behavior for perpetuating the species, the urge for which still exists in the reptilian part of the brain called the amigdula, no wonder the idea is very unsettling.

Couple A's 55-year old husband lusts after Couble B's nubile 20-year old daughter.

Is that OK within this whole polygamy? Come on you can't tell me it hasn't happened. What about the children rolling in the hay with the other kids? Or mixing it up some more with the parents and kids? Should be OK right?

I am not aware of the first scenario happening, and I know the polyamory community very well. It's possible but improbable for reasons others have already given. But in reality, a 20 year old is well past the age of consent in any state you can name - that makes it no one else's business but that of the consenting adults involved.

As for the children rolling around in the hay with other kids, this presumes that polyfolk do or speak about things sexual in front of kids that are not age appropriate, that they give permission and encourage sexual activity amongst children, or at the very least, that they are negligent in their parenting by failing to discourage sex at too early an age. Pure hogwash. Poly people are just as responsible as parents as any other parents. There have been no studies that come anywhere close to the conclusion being made here.

Mixing it up sexually between parents and kids? Insulting, quite frankly. There is no evidence whatsoever to support the suspicion or conclusion that polyamorists are more likely to sexually abuse children. If you look at the deplorable statistics on child sex abuse in our society, it is clear that so-called traditional families have no claim to being a safer environment in which to raise children.

Polyamorists on the whole tend to be highly ethical people who only engage in relationships that are egalitarian in nature, where all involved have equal power to set their own boundaries on what is and is not OK in their relationships. Children can't give consent to sex with adults by law.

You really have to wonder what motivates people who go to such extraordinary lengths to sensationalize someone else's private life. It's obvious that sex makes some people uncomfortable, and these people should deal with their own issues instead of casting spurious allegations on people who are doing nothing wrong.