Letters to the Editor
manyctnj
Published Letters: 456 Editor's Choice: 31
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What's wrong with flipping hamburgers?
[Read the article: The minimum wage went up, so the owner cut my hours!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Geez, Cary, could you have shown any more contempt for people who work at fast-food outlets? I don't think the LW wanted your assessment of whether hmaburgers or books are more valuable to society. And even if he did, is working behind a cash register at a Barnes and Noble Superstore really all that more socially useful than working behind a cash register at Wendy's?
I think the LW should ask his manager for an explanation of why his hours were cut. And then he should make a job decision based on what is best for him in the long run, which probably means taking a job that affords him the highest number of hours he is willing to work at the highest wage. Presunably, this is a temporary condition while he finishes college and moves on to his chosen career.
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Live and learn
[Read the article: A business deal with a friend went bad, and he never paid me back]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW -- Was there no understanding between you and your friend about this deal? Was your payment a loan or was it "equity" (at risk investment for which your friend was not personally liable)?
Before I chucked this guy's friendship, I would talk to him about whether there was an honest misunderstanding here. That appears to be the case on the surface. No meeting of the minds, as lawyers like to say. You thought it was a personal loan, he thought it was an at-risk investment. Assuming that was the case, his offer to pay you 70% back is pretty generous.
I think in life you can mix business with friendship. But you need to lay out the rules up front.
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Let's get back on track...
[Read the article: My lover and I have a secret house]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've never read a story in this column having a gay protagonist or gay theme that I haven't had a very strong opinion about. What a joy to read a letter in which the gay elements are just red herrings! They are completely irrelevant to the question the LW asked, and equally irrelevant to the answer. It just doesn't matter that the LW is gay, or when she discovered she's gay, or whether she got divorced because she's gay, or whether her daughter is comfortable with her mother being gay, or the fact that the person she bought this house with is another woman. All of the posts suggesting otherwise have really gone off on tangents.
I agree with Cary's advice. There's no reason I can see that LW has to share information about this new second home with anyone. She's being a good mother by not uprooting her daughter. She happened to negotiate a favorable divorce settlement -- well good for her. So many women (particularly stay at home moms) are not able to. I assume she's not violating the terms of her divorce by buying a second home. So I see no reason not to enjoy this next phase of life as she sees fit.
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Prepare for the invasion
[Read the article: I'm a babe, a total catch -- so why am I alone at 39?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'm curious as to why in 15 years of dating the LW has found only a few men she is atttracted to. I understand that there may be fewer avaialble men as she's gotten older, but I think there are still lots of guys out there. I take the LW at her word that she's a geat catch. I have to conclude she's not trying hard enough.
So, rather than getting comfotable with her singleness, I think she should make finding a guy her Number 1 Priority for the next year. In the same way she devoted energy to other aspects of her life in the past, she should make this task more important than her job, her education, her family, etc. Just for a year. She should speed date, scour the online dating scene, join more groups, put the word out that she's really interested in meeting new people. She should vacation at places that maximize the possibility of meeting new people. She should open herself up to the possibility that one of the "frogs" she couldn't make a match with in the past is really her "prince charming".
Been slacking off at the gym? Get a personal trainer. Need a little Botox? Go for it. It's war out there, she's got to be up for it.
Most of all, she should really examine her life and make sure she hasn't fallen into that rigidity problem that a lot of single people fall into -- thinking, acting, living in only one narrow way. Be a little less disciplined, more spontaneous, which I think is Cary's point. The object of the exercise isn't to meet Mr. Right in one dinner. It's to have as many dinners with potential Mr. Rights as possible.
I think if she makes that kind of investment, she'll either meet a great guy or learn something about herself in the process that will make her comfortable with her singleness.
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Think on it
[Read the article: Should I become an egg donor -- to pay off my loans?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]This column appears on the same day as an article in The New York Times about genetic research into gay sheep and the potential implications for human genetic engineering. I know it's not the same issue, but I can't help feel that as a society we don't think or feel deeply enough about the consequences of how science is morphing the possibilities of human reproduction.
I don't like the idea of selling body parts to pay student loans. I can't really say why. I just feel the body shouldn't be treated as currency. I think of skid row bums making blood donations to buy booze. I think of people moving from selling eggs to selling kidneys to selling babies. I think that somewhere deep down the LW has the same reservations, which is why she doesn't want to share this information with people close to her and why she wonders out loud whether she's missing some ethical issue. I think she should wait a few years to see if her feelings about this change. In the meantime, struggle through the student loan payments. They get paid off eventually.