Letters to the Editor
manyctnj
Published Letters: 456 Editor's Choice: 31
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It really ISN' T all that complex -- repost
[Read the article: Gay, godly and guilty]
[Read more letters about this article: Here][Sorry -- last post needed a little better editing...]
Anonymous --
You seem to think there is this large group of sexually indifferent bisexuals out there who would just as easlily and happily become straight as gay if only those tiny lingering homosexual urges were removed with a little 12-step, I guess like you remove a wart in the doctor's office.
The sexual continuum you describe really doesn't exist. A group of people, somewhere between 5% and 10% of the population, identifies within themselves a strong sexual attraction for members of the same sex. Many of us have had some degree of attraction for members of the opposite sex in our lives, but most of us have no trouble recognizing same-sex attraction as the predominant force in our character. We know that, in some cases, because we've tried romantic relationships with members of the opposite sex which turn out to be deeply unfulfilling. In any case we've decided not to spend our limited lifetimes and limited energies trying (unsuccessfully as this book seems to conclude) to change our basic natures. Instead, we move ahead, building relationships and families and trying to eek out an existence in what is often a very hostile world. And many of us have come to realize this essential truth -- we were made in God's image. no more or less than straight people, and our relationships with God have not suffered one bit because we are gay.
It's really very simple. Either you believe in tolerance toward gay people and respect the choices we've made and the battles we've fought, or you don't. Once you've made that decision, the rest all pretty much falls into place.
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I've consulted a leading expert on the LW's problem...
[Read the article: The sound of people eating drives me insane]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The sound of people crunching their cereal and the sound of the spoon hitting the bowl make my dog extremely happy because he knows he's about to get to lick the last milk from the bowl. And, of course, when we hear him greedily slopping up that last bit of milk, followed by an appropriate amount of lip smacking to make sure he has secured every drop from his whiskers (and to communicate to us that the milk was..... well, just the best damn milk ever poured over cereal) , our hearts soar. The ritual has become so much a part of morning in our house that we routinely pour more milk into our cereal bowls than we need to make sure the four-legged family member gets his share.
I mention this because, basically, my dog is smarter than most people I know. He undersands the important things in life and spends no time whatsoever dwelling on the unimportant.
People shoildn't eat with their mouths open. But heartily enjoying a meal, including the necessary sound effects, is one of the great joys of life. I hope the LW finds a way to lighten up. Maybe getting a dog is the answer!
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No really, get over yourselves
[Read the article: The sound of people eating drives me insane]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]What now? Are we supposed to add to the list of disabilities protected by the ADA "extreme sensitivity to the sound of other people eating"? Should restaurants set up "quiet eating" zones to be populated only by people who gum their food silently or who are fed intravenously? At what point is it ridiculous to expect people to accommodate someone's peculiar neuroses?
I think the reason why so many posters (myself included) respond to the problems posed by so many LW's largely by telling them to get over themselves is that it is inconceivable to us that people who really have problems worthy of professional attention but who are capable of writing such articulate letters don't already know that the solution is to seek professional help. You know that your problem is interfereing with having normal relationships with others, you understand that it is an abnormaility, you presumably know that people with abnormalities like this ask a doctor, therapist, counselor, etc. for guidance. And yet your course of action is to write a letter to Cary. If you're only bouncing your problem off an online afvice columnist, what you probably need most is a serious kick in the butt.
And there really is something about this generation being a generation of cry babies that irks many of us who were raised to be a lot more self-sufficient and self-reliant.
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One more time with gusto
[Read the article: The sound of people eating drives me insane]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"Get over yourself" IS advice. What it means is: try jogging, gardening, volunteering, stand-up comedy, cross-dressing, crossword puzzles or bird-watching. Try understanding that your sensitivity, neurosis, bad mood, bad job, bad relationship or bad hair is your own problem to deal with. If you're ill, see a doctor. If you're just unhappy, your unhappiness is probably largely due to an unhealthy obsession with yourself. Focus on other people for a change. The time you spent writing your stupid letter to Cary (to say nothing of the endless hours dwelling on the problem prior to writing the letter) could have been spent cleaning up garbage in the park or tutoring a kid.
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Good job Cary
[Read the article: Watch out for Mister Enlightenment! He's a backdoor man!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Open relationships that work are generally ones (the models I know are of gay male couples) where sex is enjoyed outside the relationship but where there is a real loving commitment to the partner that precludes emotional, romantic entanglements with others of the kind LW's wife is openly pursuing. They are often "open" only for temporary periods of time, because sex without love outisde the relationship is ultimately not all that satisfying either, followed by long periods of monogomy with the primary partner. They can be very successful and non-threatening if there is balance (both partners participate in the openness and play by the rules) and sometimes are the reason people manage to stay together to the end of their lives, which believe, it ot not, is an important goal even for gay people.
I don't see this LW's situation as working out this way. There's already been abandonment on an emotional level. I think Cary's answer was right on.