Letters to the Editor
manyctnj
Published Letters: 438 Editor's Choice: 30
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Pot Luck Weddings
[Read the article: I can't afford to attend my friends' destination wedding]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]An invitation to anything should be an act of generosity. It shouldn't make the recipient feel uncomfortable or awkward. It's hard to imagine that LW's friends didn't have a sense that their destination wedding would be a hardship for some people. And if they didn't, then their guest list was probably too long. I think I know the basic economic circumstances of those people I would want to share my wedding day. I'd like to think I would deal with each of these people individually and offer help to those who could not afford to attend, and not just let them agonize over the decision of how to respond.
I generally feel about destination weddings the same way I feel (on a smaller scale) about cash bars and potluck dinners. They're not really invitations but sales offers. If you contribute xyz, you can participate in our fun event.
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Don't Ditch the Boyfriend or Next Valentine's Day You'll Get Bupkis
[Read the article: If he really loved me, wouldn't he beg me to go with him?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Other than as slop to fill the inside of Valentine's Day cards, I don't think much of Cary's advice today. Maybe it's just me, but I'm in my late forties and know MANY people who are looking for volcanic, all-consuming love and are very lonely in the meantime. Sometimes love is just comforting, companionship, and partnering. I don't think it's good advice to ditch relationships just because you reach an intersection and need to decide which turn to make.
Why is LW setting up this life or death decision between her daughter and his career? And why is the answer "stay put for the daughter's sake"? Sometimes people say, today, I need to put my career before my girlfriend's daughter. That doesn't mean they don't love or are not worthy of being loved. Some people have kids AND careers, even though their kids would be better off if they had lesser careers or just stayed at home. They're not horrible people, are they? And they manage. Sometimes, they rationalize by saying the kids are better off with happier parents, and maybe they're right. And people relocate (even with kids) successfully all the time.
Maybe the real problem is that LW doesn't love the boyfriend enough to make some sacrifices in her life. Maybe we need to know why she's divorced from the first "good guy" anyway.
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Find the Flask and Win a Trip to Chappaquidick
[Read the article: When vice presidents shoot people]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'm interested in what the hunting party had for lunch on Saturday. Especially the beverages. Wake me up when our free press turns that rock over.
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Another Angle
[Read the article: My husband thinks I should make more money]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Why is it that women get to "have it all" and now, when their options are unlimited and their partner expects them to contribute their fair share, the partner gets subjected to intense psycholanalysis about his upbringing? Maybe this guy doesn't care a wit about squiring a beautiful (really don't know how that entered into the analysis), successful wife and just feels she should bear half the total load, including more of the burden on household stuff if he's working alot harder at his job than she is at hers. I hope that, when they have the conversation Cary suggests, one of the options on the table is that she goes out and gets a better job and he stays home and minds the kids when they come. But I suspect she'll be complaining about his laziness if he makes that suggestion.
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What I'd "Love" to Do For Work is,,,,Not Work at All. Is that an option?
[Read the article: My husband thinks I should make more money]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]One more post on this because I can't resist: Show of hands please. How many of the letter writers who are urging LW to "do what she loves" are peple whose spouses make more money than they do? I can't help but fast forward LW's situation 8 or 10 years. There are 2 or 3 kids by now. Husband is a partner at the lawfirm making real big bucks. LW is sitting at home surveying a host of options which range from being a stay-at-home mom who takes pottery classes, to getting back into the publishing field, to, dare I say it, going to law school, but of course only doing so to take a "worthy" job as a public interest lawyer. All of these options have been afforded her by her ambitious husband who worked hard at a job he didn't necessarily love. Of course, the alternative was that they could raise 3 kids on a copy editor's salary and hope the food stamps make it to the end of the month.
Doing what you love for work is by and large a luxury for people of means. Which is kind of why they call it "work"! LW should explore her motives in marrying someone with her husband's career trajectory and see whether giving herself a whole lot of great options wasn't one of them.