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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
JazzGrrl
Published Letters: 114 Editor's Choice: 12
I too am amazed at how a person simply trying to be honest about her darker emotions gets pounced upon. Don't we all have our "emotionally incorrect" thoughts to struggle with each day?
But here's a perspective that may also help this woman come to grips with the fact that she must, MUST, find a way to be kind and loving to her stepkids. If the situation continues, the biological daughter will eventually pick up on the very different treatment she receives from her mother as compared with her stepbrothers, and this could confuse her and mess her up in all sorts of ways. Even among natural siblings, it can create tremendous and life-long self-esteem issues when parents play favorites--and not just for the one who was least favorite! The "favored one" will always carry a residual, deeply buried guilt at having received special treatment for no apparent reason. True, the secret guilt may manifest itself through arrogance, brattiness, and a lifelong sense of entitlement, but that's hardly a healthy dialectic to be playing out, day after day.
People who are having trouble with the word "canoodling" seem not to understand how to read, except in the most superficial sense. It's quite clear from the context that the author chose such a silly, old-fashioned word in order to be both provocative and jokey at the same time. While her theme of physical affection between parents and children is a serious one, there's also a kind of big wink in her presentation of it. In the last sentence, she makes it clear that she KNOWS her son will outgrow this phase soon enough, and that the whole issue will then be moot. Lighten up, folks.
Rowsdower, you sound more than a little bitter about...something. I can guess but I won't presume to know for sure. The letter writer makes it very clear that she's looking to BALANCE childrearing with her artistic ambitions. This seems entirely possible since her goals are relatively modest--she's starting out small with local shows, wants to build her skills through education, and so on. You're the one who calls her "Miss Picasso," but nowhere in her letter does she earn that label: she doesn't sound grandiose or over-ambitious, she's not looking for fame and fortune, she simply wants to be as productive as she can be, within the limitations of her life. And we ALL have limitations, whether in terms of time, money, energy....
There was a time when I toyed with the idea of making the kind of choice you discuss--forgoing marriage and family in order to stay "pure" and unhindered for my art. It took a long time for me to figure out that I, like many people, am simply not built for that kind of solitude and single-mindedness. Some people truly are, and I envy them, but I can't pretend to be one of them. I ultimately chose to sacrifice a good deal of my time, energy, and self-centeredness in order to stay with the man I loved and raise a family--but that doesn't mean I'm not still committed to my creative endeavors. I just have to be satisfied with a much slower pace of accomplishment and a more limited set of longe-range goals. Do I miss my megalomaniacal single days, sometimes? Sure. But instead I have a stable, loving home that nourishes me deeply and keeps me sane. And as a bonus, I have something I couldn't have envisioned back in my "cloistered artiste" days--a level of self-confidence and contentedness that really boosts my productivity. I have gained almost as much as I lost--possibly more.
In short--some of us just need both: the kids' playroom and the studio (or writing table or music practice room or whatever). There's no need to assume one precludes the other.
And another thing: children need time and attention and love, but they also need happy, well-adjusted, relatively fulfilled mothers and fathers.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
