there's the 2-year old tendancy to only want the toy the other baby has and to lose interest as soon as it's your's.

As otheres mentioned the stupid aggorance of self-identifying as "highly intellegent"

The whole irresponsible living with new BFs that distorts your sense of self, committment and expectation.

But most annoying is the choising BFs based on their career prospects and the inability to be alone.

That IS annoying. Let's be honest and admit, tho, that it's not exclusive to the left side of the aisle. Conservatives often refuse to date people who don't go to the right church, don't vote right, don't attend the right rallies. etc. We all do it, try to find someone with shared values, we all often can't see the forest for the trees.

You're NOT compatible

He's too nice to date a cheater; and you have no problem cheating on your BF. You have very different values (well, he has them, you don't). Leave him to a nice girl who won't cheat on him.

Good thing no one said that about LW. SHE was giving the chance to bloom WITH SUPPORT. H should have the same chance. OR, OK, let's enforce that standard. LW should cut all support from hubby and proves she's worthy.

YES.

How on earth could you support some other logic where HE is obligated to support you as you like, but not the other way?

OTherwise, you're just a KEPT houswife who's hobby is writing rather than scrapbooking. Until you're self sufficient, you're just a dependant.

Not so much judgement, but "told you so."

You put your hand in a fire, you get burned.

You live with a married man and you get caught in some nasty crossfire.

I don't know what "these days" has to do with it.

Although divorce is easier and less stigmatizing now, most folks still do know that it ain't over til it's over.

Sure, anything can be nogotiated.--But is COSTS ALOT more.

If you have health insurance at work, adding your spouse is an extra $40 a month. Adding an UNRELATED ex is $400 a month. OR you might have to just go buy another seperate expensive policy, no employer is obligated to give you a cut rate for an ex's insurance. (of course actual numbers will vary, but you get my point)

It's manipulative of you to claim YOUR WANTS are the same as his needs. HIS NEEDS are to resolve his current marriage issues, clear his head, not date for a while.

Having a baby with a man who can't committ to you is not good for the man, you or the baby.

after *how* long? and before he even got divorced?

Eveyone has to grow up here.

Wife has to find a job with benefits and sign the divorce papers.

Husband has to BE ALONE. Divorce, be alone, heal. THEN start dating again.

LW has to ease up on the need to have a man that's so bad she'd ignore good sense and live with a married man she's known for a few months.

Everyone work on themselves, gaining financial and emotional self-sufficiency and then start dating after clearing up huge issues.

90% of lumps end up being nothing.

LW: let dude know that once the lump issues is resolved, he has 1 week to call lawyer to finalize divorce, 1 month to have paperwork done, 3 months to have it signed and filed. Otherwise the relationship is over forever. Meanwhile, you're NOT dating a married man. Stop the confusion. Let him close that door so he's ready to over another.

If he if ready to commit to you, he'll still be there once his divorce is final. I suspect he is NOT ready to commit to anyone else and it's better for you to admit that asap and move on.

NEVER date someone before the divorce is final. Seperated, been in a dead marriage for years, only still married for the insurance whatever, I've heard it all, it doesn't count til they're divorced.

The guy sounds weak anyway. LW needs a stronger man.

she was a bad spouse and person because she cheated, used him, lied to him, manipulated him and many other items; but NOT because she didn't wear a ring, change a name or set up a joint bank account. I didn't do either of the last two and sometimes don't do the first if my skin gets itchy. However, I AM faithful, honest, trusting, committed.

WHAT LAUREL SAID.

Sounds like she does all the housework even tho they both are parents and both work full time. That's not only exhausting, but depressing.

Sounds like there's a lot more going on, but if one spouse is made to feel like the boss and the other like the fun one, it's a recipe for disaster. Someone has to do the work, pay the bills, wash the dishes plan, buy, prepare meals.

Just because her brother guilted her into saying she was wrong, doesn't mean she was.

Poor choice in men, instant gratification? sure.

But it was NOT wrong to ignore her brothers warrentless dictate of who she may or may not associate with.

NOT WRONG>

Yes, Bro is free to like sis's BFs and FWBs as he likes.

But he is NOT free to use that as emotional blackmail, manipulatively holding back on his love, communication, cooperation if he doesn't like her choices.

Not only normal in young adult development, but required. No way to learn except through mistakes.

If THAT'S a concern, your problem is your husband, not LW

This is life. Your brother does not get to dictate your BFs (or even Freinds With Benifits). You prob should not have slept with him, or maybe yes, but that was your choice, not your brother's.

A few unwise BF and FWB choices is part of growing up, so click your marks on your bedpost, decide what you learned and forgive yourself.