Letters to the Editor
Cosmic Mojo
Published Letters: 677 Editor's Choice: 13
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Explore what countless amazing things you CAN achieve WHILE being a father and provider at the same time.
[Read the article: Should I stay in my marriage?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]If you think the only thing holding you back from being a full time artist is kids, you’re mistaken. Real artists do what they’re compelled to do regardless of any other factors in their life. They MUST make art. They don’t use family, money, spouse or anything else as an excuse. Be and artist and take care of your kids. They are not mutually exclusive.
As Cary said, whatever you do, you must take responsibility for it, which you aren’t doing now, you’re blaming your unhappiness on you kids and your wife. You’d probably be happier in the same situation if you just acknowledged accountability for your life.
But I do disagree about focusing on the fact that you’re alone in the world. That may be an interesting subject to study in Philosophy class, but in reality, there are Children very dependant on you: you are not alone, but charged with their well being and development. Those poor kids, how you think of them as obstacles to your happiness instead of a source of happiness.
I think what makes us afraid of making choices isn’t fear of the outcome, but fear of the finality of the choice; that we’ll have to live with that one route for the rest of our live. But that’s not true, we are always free to refine, change, alter—and life itself does that continuously. Nothing ever stays the same, life if always changing.
All that being said, one might assume I’d conclude with recommending staying in the marriage for the sake of the kids, but I don’t. I think it’s better for the kids to have full access to 2 separate happy parents than be in the middle of a minefield where they learn very unhealthy communication and coping techniques. Even if you divorce, you have to provide financially and emotionally for your kids; divorce does not relieve you of that responsibility. You have to decide if what you have is unhealthy for the kids to learn or if you just need to be realistic about that fantasy “what if” life you think you could have lived. Explore what countless amazing things you CAN achieve WHILE being a father and provider at the same time. Once you’ve exhausted that list, come back and talk to us again.
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varied responses
[Read the article: Should I stay in my marriage?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]BenDover is wrong in saying only the women talk about money and only the men talk about responsibility. In fact, one can't tell the gender of most posters, so he's clearly making assumptions based on his preconceived notions.
In my family I'm the primary breadwinner, so that passe generalization about men being providers and women being golddiggers is wrong.
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yes
[Read the article: Am I an alcoholic?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'd say if it's getting in the way of living your life the way you would without it, then yes, you're an alcoholic and should find a way to get it under control. Maybe you're someone who can sometimes have a drink if you regain the resolve to keep it under control. but hiding bottles, taking it out on kids? time to get it back under control. sometimes a bad phase can lead to overdrinking, if you will that isn't really alcoholism like in the movies. Doesn't mean you don't have to kick it into gear and get it back under control. It's making you be cranky towards your kids. Really time to get in control. And that's just what you're aware of, I bet they can tell when you've had a few and you're getting cranky or loopy. YOu know how the rest of the world can tell we're drunk before we can.
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someone in the office who was open about their diabetes and then co-workers would discuss everything she ate. Medical records are private for a reason and it's no one right to go around discussing my medical file let alone an ex-husband
[Read the article: Should I tell my daughter about her mother's two abortions?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Bingo.
It's not about shame, but privacy and respect. It would apply to anything: elective nose job, why she quit college her junior year, etc. It's the mom's story and her and her's alone to tell. For all the reasons; legal, privacy rights, parental respect.
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another thought
[Read the article: Should I stay in my marriage?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think the LW referred to himself in the 3rd party as a way of retreating from direct accountability for his own actions.
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cutting is serious
[Read the article: Daddy's becoming a woman!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Why so sure she stopped cutting herself? Sounds more like she got good at hiding it fast. Cutting oneself is SERIOUS and about a LOT more than the deaths of grandma and the cats. This child is crying out for serious help. Please be there for your daughter. It's admirable (I guess) that you want to be there for your sex-changing ex, but he's a grown up. Your daughter needs you to be there for her--that's your job. Dad/Didi wants everything to be about him/her and his/her big change, but you have different priorities: saving your daughter's life.
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We have a net worth of over a million dollars, and much of that is liquid so it earns tens of thousands of dollars of interest on top of my income in the low six figures, extra costs for counseling, life coaching, private school
[Read the article: Should I stay in my marriage?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]oh please. I scorned you earlier cuz you wanted to leave your kids and be absolved of responsibility for them, but now you're just part of that laughable "poor yuppie" run for meaning in life through grossly massive neverending materialism and acquisition. You're no artist. Maybe you own a Thomas Kinkaid franchise, but you're no artist. Artists create, not count their worth in dollars.
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reading between the lines
[Read the article: My husband has Chinese ancestry but his son wants to keep it secret]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think she mentioned Evangelical Christians because they must throw that superiority in her face a lot and she finds their behavior hypocritical based on the beliefs they're always bragging about. I think it's a valid point: if one is always mentioning moral codes one expects everyone to follow, than one should follow those codes oneself. Practice what you preach.
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Do not, under any circumstances, throw a party. That is telling the girl that she should be happy about this. If she isn't, she'll feel like something is wrong with her and feel guilty
[Read the article: Daddy's becoming a woman!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]god, LW, if you take anything away from this site, let it be this voice of expereince.
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There may be problems in his relationship with his daughter because she is the little girl he never got a chance to be.
[Read the article: Daddy's becoming a woman!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I know a woman who lived this dynamic as a child. Her (now admittedly) gay dad used to dress her up like a china doll with gobs of makeup as a very young girl. she has very twisted concepts of womanhood, relationships, men, identity, acceptance. Very fouled up.