Self-absorbed artistic dellusion is no excuse for breaking the law and REALLY scaring a bunch of innocent people.

Whatever she makes in her free time in NO way changes the fact that she walked into a post-9/11 airport with what looks like a homemade explosive device strapped to her body. I would have been scared to death if she walked up and stood behind me in line!

well, I'd click on "can't stand someone who isn't clean" too, cuz I can't stand someone who isn't clean. the fact that they click on it doesn't mean anything about that person, it's more about choices on a multiple choice menu and how people think if they don't click it, it might mean they DO like people who aren't clean and who wants that impression floating about a dating site>?

If you delete all guys who choose cleanliness, then all you're leaving yourself with is dirty guys. WHY? Why on earth do you think you deserve gross dirty guys? You're setting yourself up for failure here if you create this illogical rule that you won't date guys who choose the clean option.

What is this really about? FEar? Anger? Bitterness?

well, we know one woman will date a guy who hasn't brushed his teeth for 8 years

thank you Cary for taking a clear position early on and giving the LW practical usable advice as her advocate

just google the phrase and you find bazillions of companies willing to print your book for a fee. That's what self publishing a book is: you pay a company to print your book and then you get a box of paperbacks

you know nothing about CLASS

you are sexist and you can't get any cooperation from your staff becaue they don't respect you because they can tell you don't resepct them.

You letter overstates that they are women, menopausal, etc. You hate women and can't hide that at work, so they won't cooperate with you. So simpple. You don't deserve respect, so they don't give it to you.

If you work at it, you can learn to respect people and then you'll earn respect from your staff and be able to work as a team. But it's All on you. You have to become and fair person and stop hating people just cuz they're women.

me too. And he always bragged about what a good christian he was...

I had a boss like that: the first half hour of every morning was for him to sit down in my office and talk about his personal life, way TMI! Since I was his subordinate, I felt like i had to listen...

spot on, Cary. Wish I'd read this 10 years ago!

I'd say you don't like the typical dating scene of bars and parties. You feel distance because you feel disingenuous.

Find a place where you feel authentic, real, yourself, rather than the "on display" feeling you have at clubs.

Volunteering for an environmental group? Pottery class? Political party? Church? Something.

the deal is , you feel fake at bars, and men sense that and stay away. You need to figure out where you can get out among people while you feel real and the men will be attracted to you.

Being kind is good. But even kindness has boundaries and there is one here. Kindness in NO way ever requires the giver to subjugate their valid needs, and never requries a helper to reward mean behavior.

Be kind to yourself LW and then a lot of these problems will go away. Just cuz that women is sick is not free range for her to be mean or manipulate you. You still get to pick your friends and how you spend your time. Your time does not become her time just because she is sick.

Send a card every once in a while, but do NOT sacrafice your sanity just because this woman is sick. There are professionals (nurses!) trained to help sick people. Just because you happen to know a sick person doesn't mean you have to force yourself to be around a toxic person. Leave that job to the trained professionals.

some people seem to think if you back off there are other (better) people who "sincerely care" about her health. Other people--like myself--said it's OK to back off if this freindship is toxic.

Please realize that it is highly possible to BOTH rightly need to back off AND to care about her health. It bothers me that some people seem to think if you need some distance it means you don't care that this woman is sick. Of course not. You DO care, but keeping close to her is toxic for you and her.

so, don't worry that some people are implying you don't sincerely care about this woman's sickness. You do. At the same time, it is not healthy for you or her to maintian a close freindship.

oh good god. Someone even remotely trying to practice empathy would never make such a statement.

go back to the rock you came out from under your boor

wait for her to grow beyond her young teens. Now she's at that phase where she repeats what the strongest influence says. But as an older teen, she'll start to question that influence--it's a teen's job.

In the meantime, focus on your love for her. Don't try to talk about religion, or the lack thereof with her. Just find your commonalities, your love. She'll learn a lot more about life if you show her how to be inclusive rather than try to outprogram her religious influences.

Celebrate the wonder of the universe without feeling like you have to prove or disprove who did or didn't make it.

Teach her to agree to disagree and then take her to the museum, to an art gallery, on a walk in a park.