boy you are projecting your own life in that. LW said that at times, he EITHER didn't have the money to visit, OR HAD THE MONEY AND DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME. Which is pretty much everyone's story. He had the money, but couldn't make the time. That is a world away from your depression-era fantasy of some guy putting cardboard in his shoes.

maybe this is the wake-up call you need to change your life. What is keeping you in Chicago? not your job or marraige. You are obviously well-educated, so you got off track, it happens to all of us at some point. One needs to kick it into gear and get back on track, but sometimes we lose hope and it takes something really scary to help us refocus and start trying again. A looming foreclosure, whatever.

maybe this sad time will encourage you to think about your life and goals and bring you back to NC, where you can find a good job and an apartment at 1/4 the price of Chicago.

Shake up your life, make it happen.

Countrywide USED to be my mortgage lender, but I refinanced to get away from them! They had HORRIbLE customre service, lost payments and then fined ME! VEry rude operators on the phone, treated me like I was a deadbeat rather than a customer with stellar credit rating. I took advantage of lowering rates so I could justify refinancing to get away from them. Now I'm with Abn-amro and LOVE them.

So maybe Countrywide is having problems because of their bad customer service.

OMG, me too Timbucktoo! I refinanced just to get away from them.

That is the beauty of maintaining excellent credit all my life: I CAN get whatever financing I want.

what a mean selfish and high inaccurate thing to say, and not at all germain to this discussion. Take your hate elsewhere.

and for the record, Domino's DC every year reveals that once again, the Democratic offices to whom they deliver pizza tipped much higher than the republican.

we wasted a day's worth of Cary on this?

Do not think anything is the matter wiht you or your self-confidance just because you expect respect! Our society expects you to subsurviently accept disrespectful treatment and apologize for wanting a little respect! There is NO need for you to "work on" why you expect respect. You should work on why you're apologizing for wanting respect and thinking you need to fix that!

most posts deal with if/when LW should go home to his dying mother or her funeral.

but his guilt is really about why he didn't bother going to see her for the last 7 years, EVEN WHEN HE HAD MONEY. People are using the real issue of poverty to ease his guilt, when he admitted he couldn't be bothered going home WHEN he DID have money. so money, poverty are NOT what's keeping him away from his dying Mom. And that is the REAL issue here. Poverty is a red herring. We don't hate poor people here. I do encourage LW to explore WHY he never could go see his Mom. The issue is WHY he stayed away from his dying Mom for the last 7 years, even when he had plenty of money.

Which means, when he had the money, he chose that money over his mom. cuz even the president finds time for his mom.

and,er check some salary searches for what urban planners make. I do not have lots of money as a poster said. I'm about as underpaid as someone with a masters can get (oh besides english majors) I guess

I learned a lot from your response Cary

HA HA, Even the answer to that is geographic. where I live most people's ancestors come from either Africa or the British Isles.

I am surprised how many posts are about if the west or east coast is better, that's SO not what the question nor Cary's answer are about.

I'm trying to use Cary comments about finding the overlap of the home you were given with the home you create into career advice. IE: I'm not where I would have imagined I'd be, but who is? We're all somewhere fate has lead us, which often isn't where we imagined 20 years ago. How to find the mingling of the two: reality and dreams? Life and hopes?

THAT IS SO PROvocative, a lot to think about

they probably changed the words to something naughty like we used to do.

if those cats don't like how roommate treats them, they'll make sure it stops right away. Cats are that way. So, since it's been going on for a while, we know the cats like it. So let the cats receive the love.

You can't control any one else. You can't tell them what to say, where to walk, what to like. LET GO!!!

and do you instruct your roommate on what she's allowed to say in the morning? Must she say "top 'o the mornin'!" rather than "good morning." Do you tell her that she must condition her hair before shampooing as you've decided that's the best method. And her laugh, is it meeting your specifications? Is she allowed to pick her own TV shows, or do you have an approved schedule mapped out for the week? And her BF, did she get your approval before going out on the first date.

The fact of life is you can't start a script for people "first you walk in and pet Fifi once on the head and then rub her belly for 20 seconds. Then make the toast for breakfast. AFter that..." You can't control people. The whole world is not here to do what you want and the sooner you embrace that the happier you'll be.