Because of its wording, because it´s hopeful and takes in and lingers just for a few sentences on so many of the angles of this letter. There´s the parental theme that has been present in other responses earlier (but not as succesfully), the issue of hope, of relating to the bit of the person that might still be awake in there. My own dad died when I was 6, and honestly I'd love it if he existed in the body, and to have a chance to sit down and talk to him- even if he was a drunk which I suspect he was a bit of too)...

You verbalized exactly what I am thinking of, still working on. Thank you dear, and keep on!

I sort of liked the discusting aspects of this story, but lord, I'm so sick of hearing about breastfeeding! Does anyone care, other than lactating people?

Also, an interesting mix here of one night stand sluttiness and motherhood, not often heard of. It is a bit disturbing I imagine that she brought a total stranger into the house with her daughter after knowing him for a whole hour or so...

I too found this sweet and life-like and illustrating one of the most beautiful things about the US: how people can come and claim it, and work together and love each other in broken English.

Couples come in all weird forms: there is no checklist, no guarantees. (thankfully)

I was just thinking a few days ago how tv is a reflection of a series of fantasies that some women have.

Here in South America we have a few soaps, for instance, that detail the miraculous recovery of middle-aged women dumped by their asshole husbands. The women might be chubby and wrinkled, but of course some handsome 20 year old falls in love with them to the point of sacrificing all to be with them. Now, this happens in real life, or happened, I guess, but it merely seems like the fantasy of what should happen in a perfect world, according to the audience that watches these things.

Take grey's anatomy or the awful private practice. When I do watch, I end up asking the tv, SNL weekend-update style, Really? Now Really? Forty somethings living in an arrangement akin to a dorm? Working 5 hours a day, flirting with boys that desperately love them all day, learning a good lesson after all.... Yawn...

Why have the advice-seeking letters become so boring and mundane lately? Just issues that, as important as they may be to the LWs, just seem totally irrelevant to me, and impossible to empathize with... Oh well, something interesting will be posted soon, I bet.

So cavalier, how the LW ponders marriage. As if it wasn't difficult enough without the indecision and lack of feeling. If one isn't sure sure sure, why even bother with the idea of marriage? I think she much prefers fun guy (partly because he won't budge and do as she wishes) and reliable guy is just someone who's there to fend off the loneliness.

Totally agree with you, and can say, from my own experience, that this sense of entitlement is a big part of things not flowing when we need them the most.

The thing is: some of us really think we should be having a better time, never understanding how we set ourselves up for this, for instance, by alienating people, just to give an example.

I need to remind myself pretty often that I should just carry on and do what is expected of me, instead of getting mad at some indignity life has offered. The truth is, people simply move ahead and work and live and put up with some crap and continue. It's only those of us who are emotionally immature that think we deserve more than most, or want to get a badge for just being. You reap what you sow, so it takes time (and a change of attitude) to start getting something else.

BTW, I have also been acquainted with many alcoholics. In my experience they are often selfish and cruel, to say the least. The thing is, they never get to be accountable for it, and once (and if) they have sobered up, it just seems awful to call them on their previous meanness, lest they get derailed from their recovery. It's really an awful thing, to live in the atmosphere an alcoholic creates.

So kudos to all those embarking on recovery, and to all those others detoxing from the toxic environment living with them usually implies.

Although I agree with Cary that it's good to have a contingency plan, no one is sure what will happen to them in the short or long term. And a good attitude and the feeling of community and belonging that you show go a long way towards health in my opinion. So let's say you have a plan, now on to the problematic women. I would tell them both to shut it, and say nothing if they have nothing nice to say. You've heard their points, you've taken them into account, now it's time to move on. Better to actually be living your life than to be bitching about someone else's. In fact, both of them sound rather jealous of your current lifestyle, which reflects their own insecurities and not yours. I'm 31 now, but would very much like to have the life you describe if I could down the line. Good for you!

First, one must start by not assuming one is an extraordinary asset to the universe and has a duty to bestow these gifts on said universe.

Agree with most posters on this: are elite grad students so intrinsically narcissistic and short-sighted?

This letter bored me to tears, the responses were much more interesting...

Never met a smart person who referred to themselves as very smart, actually. Let's remember that Mark Twain aphorism: I never let my schooling interfere with my education...