Boy what a bunch of disgusting letters. Many of them attack the letter writer, others attack all men. Just a few voices of reason.

My wife died after a long battle with cancer and we had sex of one sort or another right up until she went into the hospital for the last time. Even when she couldn't have intercourse we would masturbate together and share fantasies, and she would come and so would I. The change in how she looked had nothing to do with our sex life. I'm in my sixties.

So, letter-writer, you've got yourself an immature man, who may well be cheating on you, but clearly is cheating you out of the affection and support you deserve. I wish there were good answers for that, but there aren't. It isn't your fault. You don't need to try things to make it better. He just sucks at this part of life. I'm very sorry. I hope you can find other friends who will treat you better.

Overturning your family's life would be a significantly worse decision than your original choice to have unprotected sex with two near-strangers. What you did then was a youthful indiscretion that you got lucky on. You ended up with a good husband and a good daughter. And now you want to toss it all out the window? Sounds like you have some issues beyond health concerns.

Cary is blinded by his overwhelming familial flashback and misses the point quite widely. The point here is that the LW doesn't have the courage to really confront her husband on wasting his life away and ignoring her, so she's using their son as a tool. That's pretty dysfunctional. Not as dysfunctional as her husband's lack of regard for himself and for her, but close.

She's got a problem, and her problem is not that their son doesn't know the father is a pothead. Just like all the newspaper advice columnists say, she should go to counseling and take her husband too. If he doesn't go, she should go anyway and come up with an adult way of handling this.

Don't quit. I have played guitar for 45 years, for a living and with a day gig, with kids and without, and I've learned a couple of things that might help you.

First, the relationship between you and the guitar is sacred in its own way. It will keep you sane and give you delight when little else does. Second, getting good on guitar is the simplest of equations: time + concentration. If you pay attention when you play, and if you play often -- not fanatically, just often -- you get better. Third, if you're a parent working a day job, you have to find time between the cracks in your life. Fifteen minutes is better than nothing.

Fourth, use your drive time -- it's all you've got. Obviously you can't play guitar in the car, but you can listen to the music you love. Find some music that you can someday imagine playing, and absorb it. Just listen to it, even if you have no clue what they're doing. Someday it will come out in your fingers. And don't just listen to guitar music, listen to whatever music you love. Sing with it. Let it in, and let it out.

Fifth, be patient. Just keep doing it and don't compare yourself to anyone. Sixth, dabble in lessons. Find someone to teach you something, take a break, find someone else. Your job is not to be a slavish imitator, your job is to play. Seventh, laugh at yourself, but don't put yourself down. If you're still trying to learn "Stairway to Heaven" at 90, you'll be that 90 year-old-lady who plays the first four measures of "Stairway to Heaven." Is there someone better to be?

Excellent advice from Cary. There's no simple solution, but Cary has shown the best possible road.

Dear Letter Writer,

You're going to be slammed and slammed again in these comments for saying anything good about Michael Jackson. It will be a huge dissing party with you as the guest of honor.

Don't let it deter you. Someday he will perform in the U.S. and you will be there. Maybe someday you'll be able to see him overseas.

There is no reason to let your dream die. But there is no way for you to make this any more likely than fate allows. Michael Jackson is too big a star. You can't get to him. And you can't make other people change their minds about him.

Just maintain your love. There's nothing wrong with that. Your love for him doesn't change him, but it means something to you.

Permit me to be among the first to tell you how shallow you are -- at least in the ways of love. You are not in love with her, you are infatuated with, and fixated on, a place in your mind where you construct her untainted image.

You fell in love before you had ever interacted with her. To your misfortune, and perhaps eventually hers, meeting her and talking to her didn't spoil the effect.

That you don't understand why she wants to be faithful to her husband is a sign that you should not enter into any deep relationship for a while. Who could trust you?

Since you think you really love her, then you owe it to her to spare her from yourself. Get out of her life now, in a kind and gentle way. You owe it to yourself to learn to love a person, not a phantom of your own design.