I may not have made my point well, I'm not a great writer, typical of engineers, I hear. (g)

Beauty isn't a problem, it's a bonus, if someone has it, it can open doors and help with self confidence in dealing with the opposite sex.

My youngest sister isn't pretty, she's beautiful, but she is more than that, in part because our parents expected more. I'm saying that reliance on looks and sex appeal alone is a problem, let alone being taught to rely on it, taught as a young girl to capitalize on it. We get older, we get in accidents, we have babies and the figure isn't as perfect, etc. and if you only know how to get by on a smile and a wink, you are in for some very serious heartache, especially since not everyone will see your charm, no matter who you are. Hell, not everyone thinks Angelina Jolie is beautiful.

btw, one of the prettiest, most feminine, elegant women I know is an electrical engineer for NASA. Also, the doctor who supervised my husband's treatment at City of Hope would be noticed if she walked in any bar, she was very pretty. They both have cool personalities and could not have gotten where they were if they had been taught to rely on their looks alone...and that's my issue with the "princess" thing.

The "Hey cute little girl, don't you worry your precious little head or dirty your little hands and the world will be handed to you on a platter because you deserve it" doesn't make for women who are competitive in academics, sports, let alone make them pleasant to be around long term in general.

Reading these letters also made me realize another gift, my father (and stepmother) didn't tolerate my sisters or I using "cute" or flirtationess as tool.

We had to act our age and defend our views on merit, no twirling hair, batting eyelashes, sweet soft voices, etc. This is a gift, especially since my youngest sister could have gotten pretty far on looks alone, she didn't need to.

I know it's hard, I want to give in to my nieces, nephews and grandkids when the cute factor gets switched on.

p.s. it's funny how many of us women writing on this thread are engineers. How weird is that?

Your story made me smile, my father who's been gone for quite awhile now, was more like your father. He expected me to pull my own weight and never made me feel like being a girl was a handicap.

I realize how lucky I was now.

When my mother died when I was 4, my grandmother drug me to daily mass and supervised my prayers at night.

I was told I had to pray for my Mother's soul or she'd go to Hell. I prayed for her desperately all the time, as I thought it was my responsibility. I used to literally freak out if I thought I hadn't prayed hard enough or thought about her hard enough.

I resented this as I grew older and had serious issues with my grandmother, but my husband helped me realize that she didn't do it to hurt me (though it did) she did it because she really believed that crap. She thought my Mother needed prayers to gain entrance to heaven and did everything in her power to make sure the prayers were delivered.

It goes back to the fact that most of our relatives do not wake up trying to figure out how to mess us up.

All I can say is that my belief that my mom is the best mother in the world does not clash with your possible belief likewise about your mother.

Fair enough. But when I yell that my mother's the best mother ever, everyday, in a challenging matter, it starts to get weird at best, offensive at worst. Especially when praise to my mother involves insults to yours.

but then re-elects their own.

I believe Cantor believes this though, that's why the Repubs are drooling about stretching out the confirmation of Sotomayor.

Andrew Sullivan's blog has a number of letters he's posting from people that have used or considered using Tiller, including people that were pro-life that had "wanted" pregnancies.

http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/

Some carried there babies to term to let them die days later, some didn't.

The people that went to Tiller, went there because he was one of the only doctors willing to deal with such hard cases. Many severe birth defects aren't found until too late.

readerreader, you in particular would find some of the stories interesting. They are not over the top and I think Andrew is conflicted on the abortion issue so it's handled well.

Appearance is everything.

Again, people appear fine after involuntary sex, don't they? They don't look much different from those that had consensual sex. People have sex all the time, so what's the problem? Some people even volunteer to do it in movies, some in public, some in ways others would find distasteful, but since some enjoy it, it's no big deal if done to others against their will.

For all the gung ho types here that approve of these methods, by the definitions they use rape would be fine.

It's not like you have long term physical implications from rape, so it's not torture. Yeah, it's painful, yeah it hurts mentally, but it's temporary, so move along...