For all those people who think that complaints about groping are overblown, would a funny little breast "honk", an inner thigh pat, a casual rub and then pause of a hand on the behind be okay if it was given to your wife, sister, mother or daughter by some creepy guy on the bus, your minister, your brother, your boss, the policeman who has pulled you over for a ticket? Would it? It's only freaking funny to be groped when you're already attracted to someone...my husband can do all these things and it's cute, anybody else is crossing the line. JT thinks it's funny because for him it's novel and he has all the power.

I'm a female mechanical engineer who worked her way through school with engineering related jobs at a power plant and an oil services firm. After school, I heard how easy it was for me to get interviews "because I'm a woman"....this from guys whose grades were not as good as mine, who had empty resumes because they never worked while in college because their parents supported them fully. At the same time, these guys didn't get falsely accused of cheating in Physics by a teacher's assistant who got turned down for a date. When I was able to luckily PROVE I hadn't cheated, the professor said "don't worry, go sit on N's lap, I'm sure he'll change your grade". This shit does still happen.

When my husband's oldest daughter got married, we gave her a lump sum as a wedding gift to do with as she pleased. It was substantial, but her wedding was much more so. She hired a big band, had a 300 guest recepetion at a famous location, etc.

Her in-laws also gave a large $$$ gift, her mother bought her a Vera Wang gown, etc., and they pitched in quite a bit themselves. I'm not sure that all the details were told to her sister, and would be suprised if she discussed the financials with anyone except her husband.

We hadn't "put aside" anything in particular. Our situation has since changed, but if his younger daughter got married we would try very hard to match what we had done before because it would be fair.

If the LW needs to borrow money, fine, ask. Or for that matter a "gift" of money, ask.

Do not assume there is a little savings account with your name on it. Since your father has passed away, your mother may not be in the same situation she was when your sister's got married, ands may desperately want to be able to provide for you like she did them, but may not be able to.

Tread lightly.

"Why do you have to have a "reason" to ask for money from your mother?!"

Because she is an adult. She doesn't sound destitute, might want to pay down some debt, maybe buy a house, maybe try a new career, etc. If she truly doesn't have a plan for the money, it just seems like resentment that her sisters got something she didn't...yet. If the LW's nieces and nephews start getting presents should she start to demand equal compensation at Christmas for money not spent on her nonexistent children?

I'm the oldest of three daughters myself. My parents helped one sister with her very modest marriage, my other sister paid for her own, and I eloped to Vegas after 14 years of living together. One of my married sisters still gets assistance regularly for her family...I don't, because I don't need it the same way. I'm not keeping tabs on the exact $$$ spent and how about unfair it is that my Mom bought her a car, washing machine, paid a utility bill, a doctor's bill, etc. I'm relieved I don't have to rely on asking for help to get by.

And as for single vs. married, you can get in major trouble either way. I've had ups and downs financially in both situations.

"But would people be as outraged by a woman who was engaged but wanted to spend less on the wedding and ask her widowed mother for the money to pay off debts or buy a house instead?"

That's why some parents offer lump sums, that's certainly why we did. But...there was no $$$ value dictated to us by his daughter as to what was "expected". She was grateful for the many gifts from both sides of the family, and spent it all, plus more, on an extravagant wedding.

We did not ask what she planned on spending, it wasn't our business, she could spend it however she and her future husband pleased.

Also, as many people have pointed out, a good many of the guests that are invited are at the suggestion of the parents, so it's not unreasonable that parent's pitch in when possible.

The LW already mentioned that she once seriously considered marriage but it didn't happen. Who's to say in a few years she might not change her mind? I certainly wasn't willing (or ready) to get married at that age, myself.

I would be shocked if my husband's other daughter approached us for her "wedding" money up front. I don't feel like we've cheated her.