Letters to the Editor
AnnieW
Published Letters: 1211 Editor's Choice: 31
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Feminists as good mothers
[Read the article: The mother-daughter wars]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Margaret Atwood, Barbara Kingsolver.
Of course there are, I'm just saying what would be a good "perfect" mother to one child would not necessarily mesh with another. Good parents are like good spouses, we all have very different needs.
Ask any parent with multiple children about discipline and trying to be fair. One kid you can punish by telling them their actions disappointed you, the kid is left trembling and shaken. The other kid is tougher, not remotely concerned with your "disappointment" and could deal with it (ignore it) if they could keep getting their own way. That kid needs to be dealt with in a sterner fashion. What's fair?
My gripe with RW is the incredible sense of pain she nurtures. And nurture it she does. It's not all about her. Joint custody arrangements suck...but staying in a bad marriage does, too, so does sole custody and removing the other parent from the child's life. Her Dad and her stepmother wanted to move, and somehow that was criticism and rejection, too.
I'm not defending AW, I don't know her. I can only judge RW from her article and to me it comes off as whiny.
Also, if we're throwing the term narcissist and manipulative around, it's not just parents that can suffer from these afflictions.
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@RebeccaWalker
[Read the article: The mother-daughter wars]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]If that really was you, thank you for pointing out the article referenced was sensationalized. It does change my view somewhat.
That being said, your response to Chesler's piece was to Hillary bash.
I'm not much older than you, but as a woman in my 40's I'm not a kid. I became a big time Obama supporter myself, but without the need to denigrate the true supporters of Hillary. Some of them loved her, loved the idea of her, for some reason your post smacks of "get over it" which doesn't fit the issue.
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Good mothers
[Read the article: The mother-daughter wars]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Not every one is cut out to be a good mother, thanks to feminism, we don't have to be. The availability of birth control has given us women many more options in our lives.
For every woman I see that is panicked at 40 that she didn't make time for marriage and kids, there is another who is relieved and happy that she decided the way she did. Their decisions, good and bad, were theirs to make.
That is a gift feminism has given us.
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Abusing the system
[Read the article: The perils of international online dating]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]A neighbor of mine in his 60's, obese, gruff, withdrawn, got himself a young (looked even younger), attractive wife. I think she was from Thailand. She waited on him hand and foot and seemed to be very thankful. Whatever she left, she thought this gig was better, which is pretty depressing since he was pretty awful. She was super subservient and he always made a point of making her do menial tasks to show how good he had it.
She found out she was dumped by him contacting INS to get her deported. It turns out he was already looking for a new model. Another neighbor, a female professor, took her in as a housekeeper and tried to help, but she lost. I have no idea where she is now.
He's since moved, I have no idea if he managed to find himself another 18 year old to "marry" for just long enough. Ick.
And Linney, I do know that there are some calculating "practical" women looking to come over that will play the game the wrong way and hurt the men that bring them here.
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Thanks
[Read the article: My Paulina, my country]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Wow, that was an interesting piece. It's going to occupy my thoughts for awhile.
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@domini
[Read the article: The mother-daughter wars]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Unfortunately, celebrity (or wealth) frequently breeds entitlement. If too many people are desperate to meet your every need and hang on your every word, the celeb (or any person with authority) can get sucked up into it, think they deserve it.
I don't know AW, I imagine she is used to being treated well by everyone that meets her, her reputation proceeds her, she might take that for granted.
From what little I've read, her daughter better beware the same thing.
Even the most brilliant people are not correct on everything in their field, let alone every subject.
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Wow, through different eyes
[Read the article: The mother-daughter wars]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I wanted to thank Anonymous_too, domini and susansunflower for being able to express what I was feeling so well, and then I see that domini was offended by susan. Damn, damn.
That being said, thank you susan for expressing your distaste at those who would judge who "should" have children. It repulses me. Maybe we should means test so only those fortunate enough to stay home with their children should be "allowed" to have them. Maybe psychological profiling, making sure they are in relationships that "might" last. Profile them so if they don't think that the world ends and begins with every sniffle of little Johnny, they're not worthy. Damn.
My mother died when I was 4. My dad (a fighter pilot) did the best he freaking could, and gave me to his single, career mother when he went back to Vietnam. She did the best she could, which was far, far from perfect. Neither of them meets the ideal world view of how I "should" have been raised, but that's nobody's business, it was theirs.
I empathize that RW's mom was far from perfect, no mother is. I also empathize that RW might have disappointed her mother and not been the perfect daughter.
But mostly I think that RW needs to move past her resentment of Mommy, she's not 14, and if it is still so painful (I mean, come on, Mom went on vacation without me when I was a teen... Mom didn't rejoice when I was became pregnant by an older married man...) she needs to come to grips with it being her life and her choices now. Blaming Mom (let alone feminism) for her personal issues seems to be not healthy.