Letters to the Editor
AnnieW
Published Letters: 1211 Editor's Choice: 31
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Grandma rolling her eyes
[Read the article: My boyfriend is nice, but I fantasize about wilder times]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"Any relationship will always take work, but when he's the right guy, it doesn't feel like it."
That's probably true the first year...when very little "work" has to be accomplished, other than sneaking off to get in one more boink before your lunch break is over, or worrying about when moving in together, whose place will be given up. For the first year most of the work is just adjustment and the joy of getting to get close to someone.
After 20 to 30 years, serious illness, loss of loved ones, serious issues with children, finances, etc., it's closer to true 90% of the time. The other 10% won't be as idyllic...and will require work that requires being there for the other person even when you want to run and hide and not face up to the issues being handed either to you or your spouse.
If the LW doesn't love her boyfriend, she should move on, if she's just a little bored with her life and maybe depressed, leaving will only worsen her issues.
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Cary's right
[Read the article: I'm an analytical chemist with a two-body problem]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It does seem you love her, make sure you know where your girlfriend stands. She might be using the move to Berkeley, where she may think you can't follow, as a gentle way of moving on. Especially since she informed you she would not move for you...
You need to know where you fit in the scheme of things before you give up a dream job/opportunity.
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The GF hasn't asked for this
[Read the article: I'm an analytical chemist with a two-body problem]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The one thing that also comes through is the GF put limits on the relationship from the beginning, I don't see anything in the letter saying that the GF has asked (or wants) him to follow her. Her comments at the beginning of their relationship sound like a warning that this is a temporary fling. She may be horrified to find out he's willing to chuck it all for her when she's feeling like moving on after having a good time with him.
Many of us have had this when we were younger or involved in a vacation or summer romance, we like the person, maybe even intensely, with no intention of going farther, the limits on time allowed us to cut loose, open up more than normal, relax and have fun.
That's why he needs to know where he stands before factoring her into any of his decisions.
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Community College
[Read the article: I work with the most annoying man alive]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I cannot imagine filing a formal complaint with human resources about a guy making Mr. Bill noises or being annoying. Though if you want to make yourself look really petty and backstabbing to everyone, it might be the way to go.
We all work, and are forced to get along with, people that we normally wouldn't associate with. You don't have to be his best friend, just civil.
Also, if the guy annoys a repairman or another coworker, let them (adults) take care of it...it's not your problem or your business.
If the guy was abusive or intimidating, it would be different, as it stands, he's just not funny or likeable to you.
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LW just sees him daily
[Read the article: I work with the most annoying man alive]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The LW never said they sat right next to the guy...just that the person is near the entrance to their building and approaches all who come in with news, his accomplishments, etc.
While the guy does seem annoying, he doesn't seem the least bit threatening. If you don't want to be high-fived, don't raise your hand. If others do or don't, it's not your business, some may find him a lot less offensive than you.
As far as formally complaining, many that might grouse about the guy behind his back will probably back off their complaints if forced to speak on the record...and then you're the one left looking very bad. Like someone that doesn't get along with others and cannot handle dealing with other people on their own. This happens in harrassment cases regularly, I imagine it would happen more so when it's not half as serious.
On top of that, everyone that comes in the building witnesses this guy, I'm sure that includes people in position to discipline him.
I've worked in the past with more than one annoying person (laughs at own loud farts, trades my chair with a broken one...almost daily, static shocks me while I'm on the phone) and there is no way in hell I would tell management of my issues if I thought it would jeopardize their job...even if others wanted me to complain.
A group of us were finally able to break the loud farter's habit by all leaving the room every time he did it. He laughed the first couple of times, but then got nervous that we'd be asked what we were all doing in the hall and didn't feel like having to explain.
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Boring-Nice is a cut down
[Read the article: My boyfriend is nice, but I fantasize about wilder times]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I personally thought the term "boring-nice" was a cut down...since you asked. It judges those of us that made legitimate choices.
Yeah, I'm not an "artist", though I gave some serious consideration to going that route. I discovered I was very good at producing someone else's vision, not so good at having my own. I might have made a decent graphic artist, but not much more.
I "settled" into being an engineer, and marrying a scientific minded guy. The same traits that made me not have the talent to be an artist affect my engineering. I'm great only at doing what someone asks me to do, though in my field that makes me valuable. I'll never win awards...though my clients would rather deal with me.
My husband, though he seems pretty conventional, can think "outside the box" on any situation and is phenomanally creative and solutions oriented.
I see that as a talent in it's own right. I wouldn't trade him for anyone in the world...though we've had spells that were less than ideal that had to be worked through.
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And hard to live with...
[Read the article: My boyfriend is nice, but I fantasize about wilder times]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"Of course creativity applies to many fields. Surely Einstein was one of the most creative people who ever lived."
And no doubt, also hard to live with. (g)
I see your point. Thanks.