"A lot of us good guys are really lonely, girls. I'm an introverted type, but I make the effort to step outside of myself, and I've learned to talk to people. I try hard to be friendly, open, available, charming. I'm not pushy at all. I'm a fairly attractive guy."

As one introverted person to another, it's not easy for us women either! That forced smile or grimace probably isn't directed to you, but is a defense mechanism. From personal experience I'd learned that talking to strangers can end up badly, sometimes it's the crazy drunk guy that won't stop trying to slur something at you, or it's the seemingly nice guy that you meet but then won't back off and gets really angry and violent when you try to leave. Or it's because you've had some guy come up and be all nice to you, but then he just doing it to get laid or it's a dare between him and his guy friends. Or worst of all it's the much much much older guy that you think is nice because he's talking about how proud he and his wife is of their daughter graduating from college and then next thing you know his hand is on your knee travelling up your leg. Yeah, after a few experiences like this you get wary and defensive.

"So, okay, maybe it's just me. Obviously, I am doing something wrong (not sarcastic). I can point out some things. I'm not a great dresser. Computer programmer isn't a very glamorous job, although it does pay pretty well."

When I was dating, I made sure I was nicely groomed...makeup, shaven legs, nice outfit, hair all done, etc. Let's be frank, appearance counts on both sides. So yes, you need to dress nic(er), shower and brush your teeth. I'm a computer programmer also I know it's not impossible to write code and to pick out a clean shirt! If you don't have good dress skills, go to the men's section of any large department store and someone will be able to help you.

"But look, I'm not the only one. I've got several guy friends who just don't ever get any action. Successful, nice guys, who really do finish last. No way am I gonna put the blame on you ladies for this, but can you blame us for thinking it may be a cultural thing? And that maybe, just maybe, women of other cultures might appreciate us for the stable, decent guys we are?"

Hey, I married one of those nice guys, so I can tell you that it's not an impossibility. Plus the majority of my male programmer friends all got married to nice girls, and way before I found my husband. So I don't want to hear that it's just a guy problem, there are lots of 30-something women out there wondering if they should just give up and pick up a load of cats from the local SPCA.

You bring up the bar issue, and I agree, it's almost impossible to meet a person at a bar, especially if you are by yourself. Women of our age have been told again and again to watch out for predators and to be careful about "taking candy from strangers". So what you need to do is build up "references" that means finding dating options through your existing social network. If you only hang around with single guys without female friends, you aren't going to get anywhere. Find some guy friends with girlfriends (or wives), then you get to meet women through them and then you aren't some stranger in a bar, you are so-and-so's friend from the office/gym/religious establishment. When you are out at party or a club, don't just be there because you are looking for a girlfriend, be there to have fun. Most people want to hang out with the people having a good time, not the guy sitting glumly in the corner. And you don't need to completely change your personality, but like with any social outing you will need to do the stupid small talk thing, and stay away from things like:

--how much your life sucks

--your pyscho ex

--conspiracy theories

--your porn collection

--how nice guys always finish last

It's incredibly hard to date nowadays, but it can be done. And it does have it's upsides, that joyous feeling of having met someone new and all the possibilities that it brings. The funny stories about the crazy weirdos that you end up meeting. The bonding with your friends over never finding the "one" and running off together to join a convent.(Okay, you probably won't have that one). But wouldn't you rather want to be with someone that loves you for being you instead of a green card? If you think it's just an American problem, then by all means, go to new country and try to date someone there, maybe you will have better luck, you will have the cachet of being foreign, which does help(only in some cases since I'm assuming you are American) But please don't buy someone, you seem like too nice of a guy for that!

"Constructive advice welcome."

Constructive advice given.