Letters to the Editor

• okay so I must be

  [Read the article: "The Feminine Mistake"]
  [Read more letters about this article: Here]

  I started writing a letter asking if I'm a freak of nature because I love my job. I discarded it because I thought it was silly. Until I read this person

  "Are all those female assistant VPs one sees in every bank feeling fulfilled?

  I never met one who wouldn't like to be taken care of.

  That goes for nearly every professional woman, too, with the exception of those in professions like medicine."

  -- Anonymous

  I guess you have to take back that statement. I am exactly one of those bank VPs (not "Assistant", thank you very much) that loves their job and feels very fulfilled by it. I adore what I do...and I get paid very well for it. I love the challenge of writing code to figure out ways to make things run better, to solve problems and to answer my clients questions. Every day I get some new brain teaser that keeps me on my toes and my mind sharp. I really like being able to get answers to my clients and I have fun geeking out with my coworkers (the majority of which are women with kids I might add).

  I've never wanted anyone to take care of me financially. I've supported myself for 10 years, hell I've had a job since I was 11 years old. I never expected anyone to come along and support me. I've planned my career and my life with the understanding that I was responsible for myself and when I had a family, I would be partially responsible for them also. And if the day comes that I have to change my job to care for our children, I'll still be responsible by keeping up on my job skills up so I can rejoin the working world when our kids don't need someone at home. And I expect my husband to take on the exact same responsibility. We cannot guarantee that either of us will be here and able to provide on our own, so we need to plan and that means insurance, planning for retirement, putting our money into savings and investments and teaching our kids to be self reliant.

  I'm not going to knock anyone's choice to stay home or work, but I will knock people that don't think through their decisions and plan for their families. Saying something like "Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it." is just stupid since once you get to that bridge, it's typically too late to do anything about it.

  RE alimony: If one person in the marriage is getting the benefit of having their spouse stay at home and cook, clean, run errands and raise the children then yes that person is owed for those years of unpaid work. If my husband stayed at home and did all those things for free at the expense of his career and future earnings then I should compensate him for some period of time based on the length of our marriage and his post-divorce earnings.

  Lots of people bust on Linda Hirshmann, but she had a good quip on the Colbert Report saying something that all the SAHM should shift over one house and take care of the neighbor's kids and housecleaning, because that way they would earn a salary and get social security benefits.

  On a side note, Stephanie Coontz has several interesting books about the history of marriage and family life. She busts a few myths about the "traditional" division of labor and the nuclear family.

  Permalink Tuesday, April 3, 2007 11:35 AM