In the past America has been given a free pass by many people who won't do so again, and I am one of them. This is not to say that getting rid of the current gang of outlaws won't make a difference; it simply means that going back to the comfortable hypocrisies of less radical leaders won't fully restore America's reputation. As someone who has made many excuses for past US misbehaviour, and indeed who cringed but made excuses for America’s lunatic swerve into fawning leader-worship right up to the highly popular invasion of Iraq, I am watching very closely—far more carefully than I did before. Like most people in the world I know the difference between the leaders and the American people. Therefore, hoping your leadership is an unfortunate anomaly headed for the dustbin of history, I have read such tea leaves as I can, in order to discern what your people are like. I haven’t been wowed.

For example, you can blame Bush for the war if you wish, but blame yourselves for refusing to face up to the massive body count of Iraqi innocents. A nation that routinely lies to avoid unpleasant facts of its own creation is not in the position to lead anything morally.

To be a light among nations, you would have to be better than others. Every other wealthy Western nation makes that American claim look absurd. Ask yourselves: which neighbour do you admire most, the one who quietly and modestly does his best, or the one who swaggers around, endlessly telling themselves and everyone else that he is the strongest, the best, the kindest, and the wisest in the world, while beating up those who don’t behave respectfully (and his own small children), stealing anything that isn’t nailed down, and then lying to cover his tracks?

(A note to American imperialists: that was a rhetorical question.)

Here’s a suggestion. Instead of trying to be the acknowledged moral leader of the world, stop being so insecure. Start by being what you are: the biggest bully on the block. Acknowledge your past misdeeds (which started with excessive power and resulting corruption, not with George) in a truly manly way. Agonize over them. Refuse to cut yourself slack anymore. Put aside rationalisations and start to quietly go to work with other responsible adults. Instead of trying to look good, try to do good and be good. And fight like hell to stop your politicians and corporations from making your every effort a means of screwing the world for profit. Genuinely good intentions, as opposed to striking good poses all the time, will be noticed. Most of us really long for you to succeed.

And if you fail? No one will be flabbergasted. Leopards don’t change their spots, and let’s face it: Americans don’t do the responsible exercise of power. Morally, you are the lesser among equals, and that really isn’t likely to change, whatever stuffed shirts you put into your big white house.

The fable most resonant of America in our time is The Emperor’s New Clothes.

Wise old greybeards at the Washington Court herald a nude Bush administration while innocents (beneath courtly contempt) stand around astounded. The truth is as strange as the fiction.

So how do the courtiers get it so wrong? Although it has become more absurd lately, it didn’t start with Bush.

Probably it’s something to do with all that gravity and power found at the Center Of The Universe, where everyone gets to touch and play with Great Things. In such heady circumstances, one doesn’t like to bungle but unfortunately one does, and the easiest way to fix a problem is to get together with like-minded colleagues and spin the evidence out beyond the pale. Then, when naysayers make trouble and lean unhelpfully on reality for support, one can always trust one’s colleagues to roll out the big tongues and blast away, until elegance has been restored.

It would be difficult to find a lamer algorithm with which to undertake the messy business of this world than faith in a defensive, power-corrupted groupthink. Yet fawning all over themselves, the courtiers endure.

“Serious” is the perfect word to flay them. These jackasses actually use it to flatter their pals, and seriousness is the quality they most want observers to marvel at in themselves. From Cheney’s lopsided grimace as he spills another pseudo fact, to all the talking heads who frown with gravitas so we will forget about those times when they got down and naked with the President, to the arrogant and misguided wielding of “pottery barn rules” when rationalizing the continuing destruction of an already hard-pressed nation...at the very least it’s time these fools get the mockery they so richly deserve.

“Serious” is the puffery of these stuffed shirts.