... you do a TINY amount of travelling.

Until recently I worked with a global team in a multinational pharmaceutical company. The American's on the team defined travelling a little as just one week out of every eight on the road. The ones who travelled a lot travelled one week out of every two or three. These were normal people with families. So - you travel very little. Particularly for someone with a senior position such as yours.

But I think you know this. And that somehow your husband's point of view has started making you feel like you do a tonne of travelling simply because you travel more than he would like you to.

And so then I wondered - what other reality shifts are you experiencing? What other ways are you exaggerating or minimising in order to conform reality to his warped world view?

And how might these reality shifts be harming you? ie keeping your travelling to this minimum - could this be hurting your job prospects? You say you like travelling and you like your job. Maybe if your partner didn't feel this way you would travel more ...

I think your relationship has crossed the line into crazy territory, and crazy-making territory. I think you are not seeing things clearly any more. As with all the detail behind your meal with your boss. This is not something that needs explaining or justifying. This is reasonable and in fact productive behaviour - to have a meal with your boss. What will happen next time this opportunity comes up? Maybe you won't do it. That would be bad. That would hurt your career prospects and your relationship with your boss.

What I'm getting at is that your husband's behaviour is shrinking your world, whether you get that now or not.

My greatest regret when I look back at the three years I spent with an emotionally abusive man is all the opportunity costs. All the opportunities for love and happiness and progress and delight that I missed out on while I was living in that toxic little world with him.

Don't waste any more time. Tell him he needs to deal with himself and his issues. Set ground rules regarding behaviour. Including: no one will cheat. No one will lie. No one will interrogate. No one will cut off any one else's credit cards.

SEt a deadline. Get help if necessary - I think he needs cognitive behavioural by the sound of it. Something is pushing his buttons and he needs to learn new thought patterns to change. IF he wants to change. By setting ground rules and a deadline you will get an answer to that question.

I tried to make things right in my family for about fifteen years. When I say I tried I mean I went to therapy, I tried to make them do therapy with me (no way), I wrote them letters, I talked about them to my friends, I spent a huge amount of my energy and resources on being with them, on trying to make us the family I thought we all deserved to be. I blamed myself, I blamed them, I kept recovering and then going back for more until ... one day .... finally .... when I was about 30 .... I gave up.

I gave up! Not completely. It's a bit like quitting smoking. You're bound to have some relapses. I tried again when i got married and I tried again when my son was born. Didn't work, of course. Why would it? They didn't want it to work. After each time I had to detach again, but it got easier each time, too.

I am now 39 about to be 40 and detaching from my family was one of the best decisions I ever made. It was a hard decision in a difficult situation, but my life was never going to move on and bloom while I was dealing with all their drama all the time.

No matter how painful this situation with your parents is, and it sounds plenty painful, there is actually NOTHING you can do aboutt it. It's not your fight. It's not your fault. It's not your problem. No matter what they say.

You're job is to make a life for yourself. To make a relationship that doesn't end up the way theirs has. To become an adult. To become everything you know you can be.

You don't even need to tell them you're not going to participate any more if that will create more drama. Just don't. And don't waste any more time worrying about this. Your job is to love your parents, not to let their narcissistic crap go down unto the tenth generation. Or even unto the first. Love them, give them christmas and birthday presents, listen to their moaning for five minutes a month if you feel like it - but make sure you set your watch, and don't participate any more.