I don't know why you would do anything with this knowledge except file it. Right now, no one knows you know except your husband. That's very good. This means that if your mum does find out about it, she doesn't need to know that you knew, which might constitute a betrayal in her eyes, when in fact you're not betraying anyone, you're just an unfortunate bystander who accidentally saw something they shouldn't have.

So - don't mention it. Don't think about it, unless it brings up issues of your own that you need to deal wtih. And then mention it to your husband, but no one else. All the parties involved are entitled to their privacy.

I don't know why you would worry about this affair in that it's been going so long it is probably pretty stable and isn't 'going anywhere'. That's a good thing by the sounds of it for the future of your parents marriage. I would be much more worried if it was at the hot and heavy new stage when anything might happen.

I think you are a lot more bothered than you say you are by other people's monogamy, or lack thereof. I know I am. As much as I say I'm not judgemental about people in this area it turns out, whenever this is challenged, that I am. Because it's so hard not to take it personally. To not see it as a 'men vs women'; the 'trusting vs the faithless' issue. To not project all over it. Luckily though this isn't happening to you, so you actually don't need to deal with it. So don't.

I love Sex and The City as much as I love Pride and Prejudice. The two of these in equal doses can get me out of the deepest vat of self pity.

About Carrie in the last two seasons. She became affected, and silly, and it became de rigeur for one or all of the other characters to affirm that she was each of their no.1 bestest friend nearly every episode. As though SJP or the writers were jealous for Carrie the character! High school stuff, and a betrayal of their four way strength and intimacy.

The whole thing went south for Carrie when she turned Aidan down. After that it was impossible to take her search for true love seriously, and in that way Big was and is perfect for her. He's never 'there' enough to love or not love. Ideal for the commitmentphobe Carrie.

I also got sick of the way Miranda had to carry the can for the serious and humiliating stuff in the shows. She was the one who would be sexually humiliated, or emotionally humiliated. She was the one who had to rouse on Carrie for going to Paris and she was the one who had to live with her senile mother in law. Disappoitned but not surprised to hear she's the one who gets cheated on in the movie.

That's a shame. For girls of a certain age - around 16 - I think watching Sex and the City would be an enlightening and empowering, as well as charming, experience. It was a reviewer on these very virtual pages in Salon who said as much a couple of years ago, how valuable the show is as a form of sex and women's education for young adult women. It explores the ramifications of so many choices women have to make - for good and ill. I wish something like this had been around when I was young. It would have helped a lot.

1. A series by HBO is not 'television' - it's a new genre and a new medium. Very high production values, very high sales in DVD's (just like a movie) and, for me, anyway, some unforgettably great storytelling. Sex and the City of course, also: The Sopranos, Entourage, and Big Love. They explore story and character in a way a feature film never can, and regular pay TV never has.

2. Second season? What happeened in that one? What was the finale?

Seriously. Just like everyone else seems to be saying: buy a house, invest wisely, and keep on keeping on. Three million isn't that much over a whole lifetime, certainly not enough to immunise you against the need for a salary. But most of all it has nothing to do with the need for gainful employment. Work, if you work at it, can be one of life's greatest joys. It's also a very important way of filling your days, expressing yourself in the world, meeting like minded people, learning about the world, making a contribution to said world, having status in the world etc etc. Otherwise, rich or poor, you're just unemployed.

It would be very sad if you were to let the loss of financial motivation mean the loss of all motivation.

I like the idealism of attempting to express sexual and romantic feelings for people other than one's spouse without resorting to lying and secrecy. In some ways I wish it was more the norm now. Instead I read in a national women's magazine survey that 25% of women suspect their husband of cheating, which in many cases must be devastating for feelings of trust and self esteem.

I don't actually know anyone attempting polyamory, though. And I watch 'Big Love' in open mouthed wonder. And I wonder which is worse for children - secrets in a marriage, or divorce?

So how do other options work? Specifics please! If you would be so kind ...