I think everyone including Cary is missing the point. The real question the LW is asking, it seems to me, is: it is okay to say goodbye to people I don't care about anymore? - because, as a lot of people have pointed out, she DOESN'T care about them. She doesn't hate them, but she doesn't love them, either. My answer to the question posed is YES.

People talk about it not being easy to make friends as you get older, but I think that's partly becuase as we get older we become more ourselves. What we lose in the quantity of the people we attract and are attracted to, we gain in the quality. The more self defined we become - and all of our choices as we age are defining - the more intimate and real we can expect our real bonds to be.

Part of growing older and defining yourself is shucking off the past. This can be done kindly, and with love. But it should be done. While you're not wasting time at that wedding - to which the only reason to go was insecurity about accepting the inevitable - you can be doing something that feels current and true for you right now. Read that great book. Participate in that Landcare event - and possibly meet someone wonderful.

I don't understand people who feel a need to stay in touch and keep going back to the good old days with people that they don't really get along with or have a lot in common with now. They exhaust me! I guess because I am one of those people who never answers the phone, and old friends whom I love still don't expect to hear from me very often. However, they do know they can count on me. When they have problems I am THERE. But otherwise I don't need to be in touch to know we matter to each other, that we think fondly of each other and that if we ever are in need we'll respond if we can.

I expend that social energy on maintaining the few but intimate bonds I have carried with me into my present life. And always having my eye out for potential new companions and, once in a blue moon, real loves.

So LW, in short: don't go. Don't worry about it. If they think badly of you for it - so what. It doesn't mean you are bad. It just means you don't have the same social needs they do. But as a lot of people have said, they're all probably going to lose touch with one another anyway.

But don't believe the hype. If you keep living a current, open and sincere life you will keep meeting people to connect with, to share joy with and sometimes, to find real intimacy with. The world's a big place with a lot of people in it! That's an exciting prospect. And in the meantime - unless a person you care about is in real need - you're entitled to spend your time how you see fit.

If Hillary had been the democratic candidate against George W. eight years ago SHE WOULD STILL BE IN THE WHITE HOUSE - and I hazard to say that the US, and a lot of the rest of the world, would not be in the S*** it's in now. Instead, Gore chose not to fight, and look what happened. Hillary is a fighter, and that's what's needed to: overcome the Republicans in November; overcome the corruption that allows Republicans to take power even when they don't win it; clean up the mess that's been created.

Cary - request for information: Have you written a novel?

Dammit - I'm having a bad day today and I meant to send that question privately to Cary. It's not meant as a ... whatever. Cheeky question. It's not. Because even if he hasn't he's so good at dealing with insecurity and craziness that he'd be a great guide anyway. Just watch the digressions - novels have to have turgor and momentum as well as lateral jumps don't forget.

Hi, I don't have any advice to offer. But I thought it might comfort you, as it has me today, to know that you are not the only one - because I am in a very similar situation, novel writing and all.

I came and opened Salon up after an intense conversation with my husband about what I'm like, what I need, how I hate having to ask for 'special exceptions' to be made for me, but that if they aren't the price to be paid is too high - for me, and for my son.

Maybe I shouldn't have had a child - I still don't know. I certainly wouldn't if I hadn't married a man who is born to be a father and primary carer. But it's still very hard being so different to how the 'textbook' perfect mother and wife is meant to be. I'm certainly resisting the huge pressure to have another child.

I love my husband and son very much. But love doesn't suddenly give you a different head or make you a different person, unfortunately. In lots of ways it makes me a better version of myself, but, yep, it's still the case, I'm still me and I desperately need more time to be alone.

I'll be reading everyone's answers with great interest. And LW - thank God you wrote this letter today. Of all days I needed to hear this today.