I have known women who behaved like this in their twenties. If she hasn't been raped/bashed/something terrible yet, it will happen. Hopefully, at that point, your friend will get the attention she needs to do something about her problems. I have also known some men who have purposefully gotten themselves infected with HIV. Sounds incredible, but it's true.

There's something about some people that wants to be wounded - and no, in the cases I'm talking about there was no history of abuse, they came from 'nice' families etc. But obviously something was lacking for them. A sense of victimhood maybe? Not enough pain to feel like they were interesting people? I don't know.

Now these women and men I've known are in their late thirties. They're okay. They've got the battle scars they were looking for. They can look back and call themselves 'survivors', although I always add the mental footnote: of your own self destructiveness.

If I were the LW I would back right off. At some point you and your friends will get sick of the phone calls - it's all just part of the drama. She'll find other people to call. You'll go on with your lives and she'll probably start hating you and calling you smug. Oh well. She'll start imaginging you have it so lucky and wondering why such awful things happened to her. What can you say?

And whether or not to tell the boyfriend - well, I most definitely would. HIV and Hep B are no fun. Lesser things like herpes are no fun either, and potentially serious if he wants to conceive a baby with a woman or gets some other kind of complicating illness. Things like ghonorrea or chlamydia don't even always have symptoms but can have terrible effects if not treated. I know this because too many good friends of mine caught these things from their partners because no one wanted to interfere. All those relationships are split up now anyway but my friends are living with the consequences for the rest of their lives.

Infidelity and who told what to who pale next to the fundamental tragedy of someone's lifelong health being compromised. I don't know how people can even compare the two.

I don't know how I'd tell someone, though. Maybe threaten her -either you tell him you had unprotected sex or I will ... Just get the information communicated to the boyfriend and then walk away.

To compare a man's situation in this regard to a woman's is so weird to me. When it comes to casual sex, unplanned pregnancy, rape, and shame, how can the reality of the world women live in be compared to men's? Outside of prison that is? Or academia in this case?

And it's no smear to say the LW's friend is at risk of rape. Sex offenders look for the easy targets. Just like neglected children are highly at risk of being the target of peadophiles.