There is only one good answer to this that I have ever heard and it's from my literary agent, so she knows whereof she speaks: only write if you have to.

There is no good way of knowing if you can make a career of it. Those writers you write about who are shooting past: wait and see how their second book goes, and their third ... very few writers ever make consistent money or are consistently successful. Saul Bellow was about to give up at 39 with only a book published when he 'broke through' - creatively, and in a worldly sense. Pat Barker had written many books before she got published finally aroudn 40 and wrote the classic 'Regeneration' trilogy about world war II. In an article recently in the New Yorker she says her daughter is now writing and that she tried to discourage her because it's such a hard profession.

It is. It's impossbily badly paid, and fickle and difficult. A few people do extraordinarily well at it, but very few of these people have had a smooth run of it right from the word go.

So - you can't know. You will never know. The onyl way to know is to do it and then in forty years look back and see what's happened. Risky? Yes. You have to be a risk taker.

But, you know, I say this: art matters. Artists matter. Even BAD artists matter. To me it's an unquestionably good thing to do to make art if that is in your soul to do. You don't know where it will take you, into dark valleys or high mountaintops - probably both - but that's the adventure.

That said, there are many, many, many attractions to various other careers, not the least of which is a regular paycheck and the satisfaction each day of knowing yo've made a contribution and made a difference in the world. After a day of writing you don't even have that ... so ... hmm.

I loved Madonna - it was all about her attitude. Desperately Seeking Susan was the high point for me. Artistic, taking herself seriously, not that talented but what the hell .... and then I loved her homages to all those other stars. Done with such humour, I thought. THEN I realised the humour was all projection - from me. That there was no humour in her act, that she takes herself seriously all the time - and that did her in for me.

She's a joke. A big pretentious joke who actually seems to think she has the inside running on spiritual truth and doing good. Whatever. She doesn't matter and so it doesn't matter. She has no real influence - just the ability to pick up on what is influencing everyone right now and mirroring that. So good luck to her, I guess.

I like her pop songs though. Cherish and Get into the groove are fantastic.

Wow Cary - great response.

LW - maybe it would be good to look at why you don't think you deserve to have what you want. If you could come to more understanding about this in yourself you might find you want to move and find a woman who is actually available and capable of loving and commiting to you.

Besides, you know what they say - Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

I think it can make sense to ask for commitment from a lover who is also committed to someone else. Isn't this what polyamorous people do? Or Bill on Big Love?

I'm married. If I was going to have a lover - which I'm not - but if I WAS, I would want commitment. I would want to know they loved me, would be 'there' for me when I freaked out (a likely occurrence as I would be cheating on my husband and therefore likely to be screwing up my life) and, crazy as this may seem, telling me the truth. That's how I was when I was single, that's how I am now - hence, married. That's how it is for me with sexual partners. So. I don't think it's the in general wanting an emotional commitment part that's so crazy about this guy's dilemma, it's the specifics of the whole set up.