What's with all the hostility, people? This person has as problem and they've written in to a problem page. If Cary answered only the questions about cancer and death we wouldn't be reading and Cary wouldn't be writing. It's the variety of the problems here - some profound, some niggling - that make it such a great site and so easy to relate to. I, in my life, also have some profound problems and some niggling annoying ones. They all could use Cary's advice!

Anyway, to the problem at hand. I am with the one or two posters who think the LW is over analysing and over reacting. If this is a one-off then I think she should chalk it up to stupidity and let it go. I think LW's partner WAS jealous. He was probably a bit drunk, and he probably had the hots for this 23 year old.

I think what is really super annoying to the LW is that her partner allowed himself - albeit unwittingly - to be used in a 23 year old's power trip over her. I just want to validate hte LW - yes that is SUPER annoying. And all women HATE it when other women do this to them. It's the ultimate feminine power trip. However. And this is a big however. It doesn't mean that if the 23 year old had told the LW's partner to have sex with her out the back that he would have. It doesn't mean that he would have handed the 23 year old his wallet either. The kind of blindness that gets men into this situation is very specific.

I've been in situations - a long time ago in my youth admittedly - where my boyfriend has CONFIDED in other women problems about our relationship. I was furious, but he was genuinely looking for advice, not understanding the first thing about femal rivalry or power games.

Well women don't understand about male rivalry or power games either, and when and if they do they often say 'how immature' or 'how stupid'. So I say chalk it up to stupidity and leave it there. And next time you see the 23 year old make sure you say something nasty in the sweetest possible tone of voice. None of the guys there will get it.

Breasts are not the answer to feeling sexy, being gorgeous and having men want you. I don't know exactly what is - but I know it's somethign to do with your attitude, and how you show up for life, and how you present 'the whole package'.

Spend the money on a personal stylist who can help you work out your best features and highlight them. Decide on a style and embrace it. Without seeing you I'm thinking Jean Seberg from 'Breathless'.

Finally, scars, lack of sensation in your nipples, breastfeeding, possible link with breast cancer ... don't do it!

Draw a line in the sand. Put an end to this pathetic, childish dynamic. Tell him you go at different paces. People are different. It's the great existential problem that everyone in relation to other people (ie everyone) faces. We are not all the same. Tell him to put that in his pipe and smoke it and tell him that this topic between you needs to be retired. It's old. It's boring. It's basic. And it's shocking that he's made it this far through life without grasping this.

From now on when you are walking together, or skiing together, tell him that he needs to display the courtesy and consideration one would expect in a husband. He needs to enjoy your company, the feeling of your hand in his, and the viewpoint he gets on the world walking at your pace. Alternatively at times, if you feel like getting there at your own paces, agree to walk or ski separately. Respect and appreciation for our differences is what is at stake here.

This is the name of a book by a scientist (name I can't remember but the title will come up on Amazon) who has proven that maintaining muscle mass and bone density will not only maintain your metabolic rate (thereby avoiding middle age spread) but will maintain the key elements of youthfulness - strength, flexibility and vitality. As another letter writer has written, these qualities, far more than the number of lines on your face, are what communicate 'old and weak' or 'youthful and full of life'. I am 39 and I have dry skin that is already starting to wrinkle. But people routinely assume I'm in my early 30s. Being strong is a great feeling as well as knowing it looks good.