When I was at university (1988 - 1992) older folks were always bemoaning our lack of activism compared to their glory days in the 1960s and 70s. Yet, unlike them, we had to pay for our educations and work part time to be at uni at all. Just being there was regarded by some as an expensive choice, when we could have been starting in at the bottom - on a wage - and working already.

I was part of a student movement that demanded our elected leaders be paid - because otherwise only the rich kids could afford to even run for election.

And yet I never felt hard done by. In fact I think the baby boomers are the odd ones when you look at history. They lived in weirdly affluent times, when the economy was exploding and, particularly for tertiary educated people, jobs were there to be picked up and dropped at will in the streets. Just look at the careers of people like Gloria Steinem, David Geffen, Nora Ephron etc. A bit of activism didn't hurt their job choices or chances in the slightest - it was a buyers market for the younger generation.

That's not the case today and wasn't fifteen years ago when i was graduating. But nor has it been the world very often anyway.

Real social movements have been organised and succeeded in MUCH worse conditions than those faced by college graduates today. Look at labour movements - now those people were and are POOR and they have everything to lose.

My husband lost his beautiful hair around 30 and we must have spent ... oh ... half an hour total mourning the loss of it. He aged young compared to his friends, but I've noticed in the ensuing years that he hasn't gotten any older since then, while they're all falling out of youth into middle age with much more of a splatter.

Hair loss is a symbol, that's all. Your boyfriend is transferring his feelings about mortality and how his life is going on to his head, and he must transfer it back again to his life. He can change his life. He can't change his hair.

I also agree with the suggestion of him working on his body. Now THAT is something men can do a WHOLE lot about, and too few of them do. If he starts now, weight lifting (just within reason), running and generally being a fit and vital guy, he will maintain his youthful virility and sexual atractiveness forever. More importantly, he will FEEL young and fit and virile and that's much more important than how he looks.

Hair loss is associated with higher than normal levels of testorone and when it comes to sex that's a good thing, right?

Finally, Cary says: As a young and presumably attractive woman, you have enormous power and freedom. I disagree with this statement 100%. A young woman's supposed sexual power is remarkably useless to her unless she has the self esteem and options to use it wisely to find a loving partner. If she just fritters it away on men who want only her youth and beauty it's amazing just what a poisoned chalice it can be. I feel much more powerful and free now at 38, with job, family, health and love, than I ever did as a footloose and fancy free - albeit more pneumatic 25 year old.

And it's not just the head and the hair - in both the before and the after photos you have a really lovely and palpable radiance about you that is 100% GORGEOUS.

Okay, first up I have been inspired by some of these responses and I am NOT in any kind of abusive relationship. But reading about integrity and living a healthy life without lying or dishonesty resonates with me right now.

There's something about certain situations (and they're different for everyone) that has a kind of toxic appeal. This married man is in no position to nurture or love the LW like a loving partner should, let alone give her the space to heal. And that has to be the LWs priority right now: healing.

So please LW - I add my voice to the chorus - quit this relationship. I learned, very painfully, that you can love someone and yet not be in a relationship with them. You can love someone and not even see them for decades on end. Loving yourself has to come first, always, and if that's not compatible with the love you feel for another person then they have to go. After all you'll ALWAYS have to live with yourself.

And I have to agree, someone who responds with 'that's okay' when you say you're developing feelings for them ... it's not exactly a fairytale is it?

Get help. Love yourself. Take yourself to the movies. Stay in with yourself and read a good book and drink peppermint tea. Get a cat or a dog and lavish affection on them. Buy a faux fur comforter. Do everything lovely for yourself that you would like to have done for you. At some point you'll be ready to love someone else as well.

"So the male gives her the sugar cane and she'll turn around and copulate with him and then march off with the food."

Is there a problem with this scenario?