I've actually just cut and pasted Pacificwhim's letter into an email for my husband - whose mother is the self help publishers dream come true. She buys and buys and buys. Worse - she tries and tries and tries to improve ME with all this stuff.

Self help has always seemed to be just an industry. I like Seligman too - but I would put him in the therapy camp rather than the self help one. The therapy camp seems more legit to me because therapy implies commitment, investment, and time. Self help somehow always seems to convey the promise that your problems are simple really and you can fix them.

The most revealing statement Oprah ever made is that she has never done therapy. The only reason why not that I can see is that then she might stop crying on TV.

Then there's this new genre of people trying out a genre ... eg the woman named Julia who has written a memoir about cooking Julia Child's for a year. And now this one.

Quick! Pacifwhim - if I think of a new angle, how about a year spent reading Proust (woops I think someone's done that one) will you ghostwrite a 'memoir' about it for me?

Life coaching has had significant, verifiable results in my husband's life. He has accomplished all the goals he wanted to achieve when he began working with a life coach two years ago -namely, setting up his own successful part time legal consultancy. He has accomplished in two years results I wouldn't have thought possible, and become happier, more self realised and more self confident as a result.

Life coaching seems like a very practical approach to achieving practical goals, and I don't think it should be lumped in here with the vague promises of 'self help'.

And Kerianfree - I wanted to sympathise. I had a similar experience but with a novel. At the time the publishers accepted it they saw it as a maturation and evolution of the chick lit genre into really good writing. By the time publication date turned up various things had happened and they dumbed it down, put a fluoro cover on it and left it to sink or swim. It sunk and I was traumatised. Put on weight, skulked at home and felt a HUGE amount of grief, somewhat unexpected, that this watershed in my life represented. I still don't fully understand it but am screwing up my courage now (feeling the fear and doing it anyway) to write my second.

LauraBB

I think the LW needs to chill out - there could be many very good reasons why the roommate would be secretive and defensive about her illness. The suggestion that in fact the mom is there offering protection and support while the roommate gets to know the LW is a good one. Other reasons may include: seizures; arthritis; ms; depression; anxiety; chronic fatigue syndrome; asthma; recovering from cancer; HIV Aids; Hep B; bulimia; anorexia ... and that's just a start. Any of these conditions might be exacerbated by the stress of a move and new surroundings. All of these might be quite okay for the roommate to deal with on her own once she's settled in and confident in her new surroundings.

If possible I think it would be good to extend compassion as much as you can. Probably the worst that can happen is that you'll be taken advantage of, and when you consider that against the risk of putting someone going through a hard time through an even harder time it's worth it. Isn't it?

So give it another week. Then, if there's still no sign of the mother leaving, I think a frank and friendly discussion over a meal is warranted. You have a right to know more about the situation: prognosis for mom leaving for example; and the right to set boundaries of your own.

This is so exciting - I love playing games and want to invent social games for adults to play as an alternative to the conventional 'come to dinner have a drink and talk about your lives' interaction which can be boring, expensive, fattening, unenlightening and no fun. Especially with people I don't know. At the end of an evening like that I'll often look back at it and think what else could we have done that would have helped us find what we had in common and enjoy one another? My answer is always: a game!

So where to from here? I looked at Jane McGonigal's blog and found it long on overwhelming detail and short on readily understandable explanations. Seems like she has the disease so many people in love with new technologies have: if you can say something simple in a complicated way - do so!

I'd like to see her site designed for people who aren't privileged regarding technological resources or know how. eg games designed for mobile phones, email and that woudl be it (and that's already privileged!).

Jane - if you're reading this: do you have a recommendation for a site where I can learn about social games to play that don't involve much technology?

I also thought it was a bit of a dream world state some of her games were living in: reminded me of the porn experience of watching 'The Bourne Identity'. All that technology just working! As if that ever happens in everyday life.

But overall I am excited and stimulated by the possibilities raised here.