Nice and weak are not the same thing, but too often they are treated like synonyms.

This letter raises bigger questions for me, like: why can't tolerant secular people get their act together to defend their great achievement - western liberal civilisation - from fundamentalist bigoted cheating bullies?

Since when did the forces of darkness manage to convince us that any kind of a 'no', or a 'get lost' was somehow hypocritical and dreadful?

I see this everywhere. Feminist attitudes towards the treatment of women in Muslim cultures for example. Or left wing parties unable to scourge themselves of the fascist socialists in their midst. Or secular liberal societies paying more and more lipservice to people's religious beliefs in politics, the law, education and health care.

Enough!!!!

A fun racquetball game is a social achievemnt - a lot of people never reach sufficient maturity and grace to be able to do that.

Nice doesn't equal weak, and it shows how easy nice people have had it for how long that they have started to think so. Nice is a strong and principled stance to take in a world of brutality and easy dismissals.

By the same token our secular, tolerant, diverse and liberal societies are not vacuums. It's not that no one believes anything. It's that behaving with restraint and consideration is the only way to get along. Therefore: either follow the rules or get out.

Ghandi knew this, and he was somewhat of a saint. Why don't we?

This racquetball bully obviously thinks you guys are all pussies just begging to be hit and abused.

This is my advice: Disabuse of him of that notion right now. Why would you need to discuss it with anyone else unless you doubted that they didn't like being abused and hit? Tell him you play for fun and he is no fun. Give him a week to turn it all around, and if he can't tell him not to come again.

No more Mr Nice Guy.

I'm not poor because in the last one hundred years various of my various ancestors did various of the following: Grandparents and great grandparents left home to emigrate in search of more land and less persecution. Maternal grandfather emigrated again. And again. Maternal grandma and grandpa lived in a tent and ate rabbit and fox through the 1930s so they could send their two daughters to school three hours train ride away. They rarely saw them and when they did they hardly knew them but those girls got into university and married into the middle class. Paternal great grandparents cleared land and built railroads. My father worked like a demon at school and university to keep winning scholarships so he could keep on studying. Paternal grandfather worked in a family business, putting up with fierce sibling domination and rivalry for over forty years. He gave the proceeds from the eventual sale of the store to my parents (and his other children) as a down payment for their house. Husband's grandfather worked for sixty years in the bedding department until 83 and when he died he could leave my husband and his two siblings money for the down payment on our house.

Why would I feel guilty about this? What an insult that would be to all that they have achieved and handed down to me. I feel proud of them and grateful. I don't take anything I have for granted and I am so grateful to be middle class. I don't have to slave and I don't have to suffer to earn a pittance like they did. I work with my brain and enjoy my work.

Why are people poor? Too many reasons to count. For my forebears it was because of things like: born a younger son and so couldn't inherit land; born Jewish; born a woman; the crash of 1890; the crash of 1929 ... The interesting question to me is: why are you NOT poor. The answers so often fascinate and inspire.

I find it unbelievably sad that a woman as attractive as Meg Ryan disfigured herself by choice. And she IS now disfigured. I don´t think there can be any question about that. She has a face that isn´t quite human. And certainly not beautiful.

Why couldn´t she face ageing I wonder? What was it about ageing in Hollywood that was worth what she risked, her own beautiful wrinkling up face?

Frances McDormand looks great AND she looks her age. I wish Meg had chosen to go down that path.

First up - I think you sound really attractive.

Second up - I don't agree with those who say play the field. I say look for love, and when you think you've found it, try to make it last. Whether you succeed or not you'll learn a lot and make it that much more likely that you will create a better relationship next time.

Third: definitely break up with this guy. Do it kindly and do it now.

Finally: Your letter reeks of the kind of insecurity and doubt that is at its most intense at your age. It will get better! You will meet a lot more guys and find out you're much more attractive than you think. Especially if you keep being so enthusiastic and participating so fully in everything. Best of all you're doing what you love - sooner or later that's going to draw the right people to you.

In the meantime try not to fret and have a great time.