W is the one who just ended the friendship and I don't think LW has a choice in the matter. That four way friendship is O.V.E.R. and W. has made that clear.

Of course W's partner is searching for ways to undo what's been done, but I don't like the way she's putting the pressure on the LW to 'fix it' somehow. This has nothing to do with the LW and it's not possible for her to fix it. How can you be friends with someone who doesn't like you? You can pretend to be, but what's the point of that?

LWs best friend is in deep trouble because obviously W doesn't care enough about his wife to maintain a friendship that is important to her.

Whatever. Life goes on changing, doesn't matter if you're 60 or 6. And this fourway friendship is O.V.E.R. Mourn it. Try to remain close to your best friend LW, with a husband like that she needs you. And move on. Life is too short to spend it with people who don't like you.

Great advice.

LW don't do it! You've done so well to get to where you are. Moving is exhausting, not to mention all the other hassles you've flagged up here: poverty is exhausting; unhappy kids are exhausting ... if you're tired now you're going to be REALLY tired very soon, and that's terrible for a relationship anyway.

Tell your boyfriend you're not moving. Invite him to your place on the weekends. If that doesn't work say goodbye lovingly and move on. You're definitely on your way somewhere great.

Grief IS a weight, isn't it? LW I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm glad for you too that you have loved your father and been loved by him that deeply. It is not always like this between children and parents. But that's not much help now. It will be though. The love you and he shared will go on sustaining you and lifting up your life.

I'm grateful for this topic and the letters people have written as a way of thinking and feeling about this for a few minutes today.

"Could you at least have the good grace to separate your tantrum over criticism from your supposed answer to this person's letter?"

I'm going to separate my reply. Cary, you're overreacting to the criticism being levelled at you. As a professional writer you've got to develop a thicker skin. Obviously you already have one, to put up with the abuse that you do. But this one must have pressed a button. Did you fail at English maybe way back in high school and did that somehow convince you couldn't be a writer for many years? Or did you do really well in English and that's bouyed you up and so now you feel like that foundation is threatened by someone correcting you? Whatever the reason, surely your rational self can tell you: OF COURSE there's no one way to write. Until Hemingway wrote in Short. Declarative. Sentences. the long, complex nineteenth century kind of sentence was in vogue. Language evolves. It's the job of writers to find the best sentence structure for their intended meaning and mood. You know that. That English teacher who wrote to you is the one who doesn't.

It's really bad timing that you find yourself in need of your friend just when she's going through so much herself. As far as what's going on with your friend is concerned - I don't think you should worry. I don't think it means anything bad about your friendship. Cary's advice was spot on I think - give it time. Be ready and waiting when she is ready to come back to you, and until then keep sending christmas presents and birthday cards and leaving messages. They make a difference.

Then there's what's going on for you. It sounds really hard. You should reach out to other friends for support.

Friendship can't always work out as a neat quid pro quo, but in the long run hopefully you'll find that you've received as much as you've given, and it's been to and from the right people at the right time.

Of course you can play music, and you can learn and become better too. Making music is an innate capacity we all have. A lot of our love for music in this culture is channelled into consumption, rather than creation. In other cultures it still comes as naturally as breathing to sing and to dance. Reclaim that for yourself. And throw out any notions of being 'good enough' while you do. Again, the whole comparison fetish is largely related to consumption.

I am convinced we never lose the ability to keep developing. And if you nurture that capacity in yourself, it will thrive.

However, if your question is 'will I ever be good enough for others to pay to hear me and to make my living from music' - well, that is unknown. And that is partly about having the technique and the craft and working hard, and partly about having the innate talent. And partly about marketing and PR and lucky breaks.

And who knows where making music might lead you? To writing for example, if your lyrics become extended poems. Or to joining a choir where you meet the love of your life ... just go with it. See where it leads you.