Maybe to you publishing a novel would represent your first real 'success' in the world, and therefore symbolises change. What's more, where there's the risk of success, there's the certain risk of failure. Maybe publishing exposes your private self to the world, leaving you vulnerable and 'known'.

Whatever. You've paid for the ticket, now you're afraid to take the journey.

To Cary's comment about writing novels not necessarily implying publishing I say - what a lot of coy baloney. Sure, other writing may be therapeutic, but the novel as a form is demanding and specific. To go to all the troule to write a novel presupposes the desire to engage with an audience. Otherwise why not write something easier and more therapeutic, like a diary?

Also, submitting work is a great way to get better at your craft.

That's not to say that publishing isn't difficult. The first time I got published I was living overseas and so it didn't really register with me. The second book I was back at home, and boy, did it freak me out. I put on twenty pounds, felt hugely depressed and lost all will and motivation before a full on anxiety attack brought me screaming back to life. All is well now, I'm just saying for me it was a big transition to go from 'unpublished writer' to 'published writer' and it wasn't easy. But it was necessary. Now I see myself as at least published but with a very long way to go to being as successful as I want to be, and that's a fine place to be. Better than remaining in the 'unpublished' box.

This is a critical point in the story of your life. Is our hero going to risk success? Or is he going to go on living as a 'might have been'?

I disagree with the posters below.

Whether or not she should be, the LW is hurt, and is questioning what the friendship is really made of. So I think the LW should enquire.

Talking about emotional issues in friendships is hard because friendships are meant to just work. Unlike 'relationships', which are entitled to consume untold energy and resources, friendships are meant to always be well oiled and ready to go, no questions asked. But they're not. Just like a romantic relationship they need straightforward communication sometimes to maintain their roadworthiness.

The LW should bear in mind though that weddings can be horrendously stressful, beyond all imaginging for anyone not directly involved, and so it's perfectly possible that her friend is not communicating much at present for reasons that have nothing to do with her.

For this reason I advise the LW to separate out the 'what's happening with our friendship' issue and the 'I would love to be invited to the wedding' issue. The friend may not be equipped to get into the first question right now, but by finding out the facts about the second question it will help with the first question when the post wedding time comes.

How about phoning up and saying, as lightly as possible (because it really doesn't have to be a big deal and you really do just want to get the facts) 'I'm getting the feeling I'm not invited to your daughters' wedding.' Wait for friends' answer. Then help with the inevitable awkwardness if in fact the LW is not invited. Quickly rush in with something like 'There are just too many people to invite, right? Well I'll be thinking of you all and I'd love to give your daughter a gift. What would be good?' Then get off the phone.

See how you feel after you've talked. You might feel relieved to hear what the reason is. You might feel angry, or hurt - whatever it is you can then go forward with some facts.

Finally, I don't know why weddings have to be a trigger for every emotional crisis and showdown in the book, but in my experience they often are.

The trouble is you're still thinking that your whole existence/success/reputation is being defined by 'her'. And even though you say you don't want it to be, you're still letting it be.

eg You think it's because of her that no one attended your event. Maybe - but people get bad reps in all kinds of other ways too, and they overcome them to have successful events and lives. People forget much much faster than you think. It could be you're the only one who is remembering. Projection is a powerful thing. Next time you have an event you need to PR and market it even better, rehearse even harder - overdetermine its success. Word will get out sooner or later that these are good events.

Overall you need to do everything you make and keep your side of the street beautiful. What anyone else chooses to think or say or do - including attending or not attending your event - is up to them and out of your hands. Therefore you can forget about it. You don't have to engage with that in any way.

If you can forgive yourself for what happened/didn't happen, and can move on with your life, everyone else will too. The sooner you do this the sooner you can fall in love with someone who requites your feelings for example.

Are you having obsessive thoughts about her? Anti depressants REALLY help when your brain is stuck in a rut and can't climb out.

Other than that though, I wish I could tell you so that you could hear me: it's really not about her. She really can't affect your life unless you give her the power to. And you can take back the power that you've given her in your mind, and get on with your life.