>

Precisely. And not only that, it connected me from the convenience of my own desk, where I feel bored, lonely and like procrastinating on a daily basis.

A few other points:

* I've said it many times and I'll say it again here and no doubt many times more elsewhere. There's a real danger that the quality of writing on the net will take a nosedive, and that people like Cary Tennis will find other, more worthwhile and less stressful things to do than put himself up for critique everyday. Cary's just part of the big experiement that is 'the net in the noughties' as well, and readers who enjoy his work should take care of him. By this I mean: respond thoughtfully and with basic respect that anyone is entitled in any kind of civilised and interesting discussion.

* Responses to Heather Havrilesky's work have sickened me to the extent that I stopped reading her letters section, and then, interestingly, stopped reading her articles, because the letters section is part of what makes an article interesting to me over the course of a day. A case of trolls taking the whole project down with them.

* Ayelet Waldman is a piece of work! Her articles are SO self revealing, SO intimate, that I've found it's impossible for them NOT to be affecting. She seems to want a lot of attention, and will go to any lengths to get it. I'm not surprised a lot of that attention has been critical and/or negative. I stopped reading her. It was too upsetting for no point.

* Bullies - they're here on the net just like they're at school and in the workplace. It was ever thus. I know who some of them are though and I skip straight past their letters.

* Overall I am amazed that journalists are surprised by the level of feedback. I guess it's weird to claw your way into an elite only to find that someone has opened the back door and the hordes are pouring in after you. I love Salon and I love many of the Salon letter writers. They're a crucial part of Salon's appeal.

venues like Salon instantly connected those of us outside of the media world to the kind of people and conversations we knew existed somewhere but had no access to.

(Don't know what happened there.)

The author's contention that Ellen's relationship with Portia is not often discussed is simply wrong. A few days ago People magazine online asked Ellen how she feels about Portia. Ellen replied wtih something along the line of: 'I feel complete and fulfilled now.' I remember this because something about the way she said it made me gag. I've also read other 'revelations' about their relationships from both Ellen and Portia.

Rupert Everett is - or used to be last time I saw a photo - one of the most beautiful men on screen. The problem with The Next Best Thing was the same problem all of Madonna's movies have - except Desperately Seeking Susan - Madonna herself. She could make anything bomb.

If Rupert's career hasn't ascended to great heights does it follow that it's because he's gay? I'm sure that had something to do with it. But, the same way Will Smith isn't perceived as black because he's famous, I'd say Ellen isn't perceived as lesbian becuase she's famous. Abd Rupert never got famous enough to qualify for work on that alone.

He's not the only once-hot actor running out of work. That's the fate of most actors as they age and at least Rupert is white and male. That means he's already got an advantage over a whole lot of other once-hot actors up for the same part - of the chief detective on CSI: Bathroom probably.

Rupert in fact has done very well for himself - gay or straight. Some of his work is admired, he's made the front cover of Vanity Fair and he's still getting published (this is at least his second book) on the back of it. Not bad.

First off - kudos to Cary and many of the letters below. I agree with most of what's been said.

I am a writer and had an identity crisis in my undergraduate writing program - much of what you describe sounded familiar to me. Some people I know who went to film school experienced exactly the same thing. Fifteen years down the track we're all still doing well and trying to do better.

I am wondering why you think you have to choose between writing and love? It raises a teeny little concern about your relationship. To me, a good partner loves in you what you love in you. They support the person you want and believe yourself to be. Hopefully he is right now telling you how much he loves your writing and how much he thinks you will contribute to the world. Isn't he?

I do however think you have to choose to have writing AND a child. Because child rearing costs money and writing often doesn't earn any. It lead to me deciding to cultivate a freelance PR career which funds me to write half the week and support my husband to look after our child. It took some planning, but because I knew a decade ago that this is where I wanted to be it was doable.

Sounds like you're a long way off choosing to have children yet though. In which case, what's the problem?