"perhaps things in your psyche have come together in this house-buying experience in a kind of perfect storm."

Cary I love your writing!

And LW I can relate. Houses ARE irrational. For me it went the other way. I felt reluctant and depressed before we bought our first place (we're now in our second) but from the moment we bought it I felt a new sense of stability and happiness I had never felt before. I loved being in it, I loved coming home to it, and for some reason it was all to do with the fact that it was MINE.

But that's not you, and that's good for you to know. There are plenty of ways of investing money and I think the stock market has actually out-performed property for a long time. You could also rent the place out or trade it for something else that would rent easily while you pay it off.

Our ex-neighbours recently did what you're contemplating. They thought they would love living in a Queenslander house (wooden on stilts) in a sub tropical country town. They moved their four kids and dog all the way from Adelaide across the country to here ... and found that they hated it. They gave it about six months, and fortunately the housing market rose enough in that time to cover their expenses, and then sold up and moved back. Big deal. I just heard from them recently that they're happily back in the city.

It's just a house. And you have a child and you have a fiance. Maybe you have enough commitments. I felt a huge sense of depression and loss after I married - which at the time I thought was all about the fact that I would never be able to marry John Cusack. Not without baggage anyway. Now second marriages to movie stars don't seem like such a big deal, but with hindsight I've realised that there are only so many big commitments I want to make. Marriage, house, child - these are all big. So drop the one that's bugging you and be free.

If we can come to an agreement re timing it could still work - for you and me I mean. For John - well, movie star marriages are like dog years aren't they? Brad and Jen for eg were together forever in human years, which in movie star years was, like, 5. And then they go on to have another whole life.

Only thing is then I would want to be back with my present husband. I wonder if we could get some kind of, um, pause, rather than an actual divorce. A sabbatical agreement that would allow me to go off, marry John for a while, hand him on to you and then come back home?

This letter didn't make any sense to me. While I'm sure the visa issue is an irritant I don't believe it oould be a deal breaker in a real - as opposed to manufactured for fantasy value - marriage.

Here's what I suspect: that the LW was looking for an 'out' waaay back when she was doing her MFA program. Jung says we create a love/lust object when we are looking for an escape route. In this case the LW found a Russian to run away to London with. Now she is looking for a reason to run away from him.

Issues of money, nationality and visas - these sound like red herrings. If you two were playing nice and sharing, your privileges would enhance the marriage, not detract from it.

But I think the question is why were you running away from the MBA? And the answer is to go back home and face whatever it was you were running away from in the first place.

PS I love the way 'trustafarians' are always careful to emphasise the small nature of their trust funds. It's such a give away of a guilty consience and, probably, what would seem like to most of us a lot of money.

Laughing out loud here at people who really think there's a city on the planet where one 'shouldn't' be unhappy. Shows how truly provincial those people truly are.

I would say to those people who think they couldn't be miserable in London that they therefore should never be miserable at home. After all, they have books, their imaginations, the internet ...

My DH and I lived in London for three years a few years ago and there was a lot about it that was great. BUT, our relationship went through a big crisis while we were living there and I think it's because we were going stir crazy. Partly it was social isolation, partly it was the challenge of learning how to live in a new city. A lot of it was being stuck inside too much of the time due to darkness and cold. Part of it for me was seasonal affective disorder.

We eventually contacted a charity called 'Relate'. They were incredible. It's not about breaking up or staying together but about working out what you both want and how to achieve that as well as possible. They'll help you break up if that's what you decide you want. We did it every saturday morning for three months and I can truly say our relationship never looked back. The counselling caused us to make some huge decisions and big agreements with one another that still hold. I should say too that it's very cheap or free depending on your circumstances.

Give them a call LWs - both of you! - even if breaking up is inevitable they will help you both do it with more peace.

PS LW sorry for calling you a trustafarian. I'm just jealous of them.