Thanks for that. I really liked it and some of the lines really jumped out at me. I know what you mean when the world seems big and you in it very small. I had a similar experience recently when we thought we might lose our child. That threat turned out to never have been real, but the gratitude I experienced to be given my 'old' life back, with all its assumptions, was incredible, and all smaller problems faded away. So much so that for about eight crazed months I refused to worry about anything, including money, with the result that now we're kinda broke and I'm kinda worrying about it! But that's okay - even as I face this problem I am grateful for the kind of problem that it is - one that we'll get over, one way or another.

Although I know some people in America and in my country too are so poor they can't not think about it, I think it's important to acknowledge that for most of us, just having the basics of clean water and enough food and a warm house is riches indeed. A job that's safe. Loved ones who are safe also - these are all huge things to be grateful for.

Finally, and I put this in knowing I'm just exploiting the opportunity here - BUT, gratitude for all that's beautiful in the world has lead me to abhore needless suffering, of which meat eating is a glaring example. The suffering of the animals we eat is so immense, and yet to halt it requires so little. Why not express gratitude for life by honouring life this thanksgiving?

Take heed of the great anecdote below from the granddaughter whose grandma tried to 1. control her 2. make her shop. 3. make her buy something she hated. That's you LW! And I bet they hate you!

If the point of your gift giving is to symbolise your love and caring for these children in the form of a gift then my suggestion would be to send them something personal, which in my book means something YOU loved as a child, or that's very special FROM YOU to them. Forget about mental development - it's such a hit and miss affair anyway, and so presumptuous to think you could even guess at what might be mentally developing for someone you don't even know. That's just a heap of marketing. If you want to send them a book send them something you loved as a child, and tell them so on the flyleaf. That makes it something special. Same with a movie you love, or a print. On the other hand give them something like a piece of jewellry and engrave it. That always made me feel valued and held when I received gifts like that as a child. Cash is great too - but give it TO THEM, as suggested below, in a sealed card with their name on it. Most kids I know are obsessed with money and, unsurprisingly, seeing as they're too young to earn it, don't have any. To give them money empowers them in a thrilling and new way. Even if they blow it on something stupid - one kid I gave $50 to as a super special going away 'I'm goign to miss you terribly and I want you to buy something special and think of me' gift spent the whole lot on bubblegum! For the footie cards inside! - it's a lesson learned and a thrill gained.

If you're worried about their future, start putting money aside for them in a bank account as well. But don't expect them to appreciate this until much later. Christmas, though, is meant to be all about the joy of giving for the giver as well as the receiver, and so far you aren't getting any - or giving any as far as I can tell.

And finally, how about the adults? Your brother and his wife? They deserve presents too you know. They were kids once. I hate that crap about how Christmas is all about children. It should be all about joy and giving and letting loose the inner children in all of us. So why not go crazy and send them gifts as well? And, seeing as you're cashed up and they're not, why not send them cash, too? Write something like this on the card to them all: Dear x, I'm giving you this cash to have fun with and, when you do, think of me! lots of love and joy to you, LW.

That should be what Christmas is all about.

??? I don't get it.

If you read the CR site carefully you'll find a presentation on the pyschological problems commonly suffered by CRonies as they call themselves. It seems there's a high correlation between calorie restriction, anxiety and obsession, as well as complete loss of libido. This has been seen in animal studies also.

What's the point of living longer if you're miserable, anti social and obsessive?

A pastor is in a position of power and trust. They have to be answerable and accountable. If he is those things then he must have reconciled himself and his congregation to his past - therefore what's the harm in the LW bringing it up? if for their satisfaction alone - and if not then that's a big problem and the LW NEEDS to bring it up. I feel sorry for anyone trying to live down their past, but I feel responsible for people who might be vulnerable, and their needs have to come first.