I am finding all the articles in this series so far odd, and unconvincing. I was willing to withhold judgement, thinking - well, maybe this is realist, maybe some people are like that. But now I wondering if it isn't the interviewing/writing style of John Bowe that is creating this flat, unexamined and therefore unintentionally uninteresting/unconvincing effect.

This person for example, Dory: what is the point? She has no insight at all. It's simply 'and then, and then, and then,. I flat out don't believe she had no feelings about her husband having another woman, or having another relationship herself if it hadn't worked out with her husband. Or being so diffident about getting back together. If this is really and truly how she thinks and feels then I pity her family. She comes off in this article as passionless and mild to a fault.

In an effective interview I think it's important to go further below the surface, to encourage and facilitate someone to reflect on their experiences a little, to see if the story they are telling is, on second thougths, completely true. If this is then she would be a rare woman indeed to react so mildly to a husband's leaving, a husband's affair, a husband's return ... Please, try to find people who will admit to caring, deeply, about the people they love, and then they will be able to say something interesting about loving.

I know Jesus was a man. He said so. A lot of Christians know and believe this. A lot of Christians know and believe the Bible was written by fallible humans. The Gnostic Gospels are interesting too - they contain some of the testaments that didn't make the editorial cut into 'The Bible'.

When Jesus said 'I am the way, the truth and the life, no one goes to the father but through me' (paraphrase) he was saying through the Christ - the divine aspect of man, the spiritual sensibility we all possess, our Christ consciousness.

Jesus said he was the son of God. He also, repeatedly and in many different ways, said we are ALL the children of God. 'Our father, who art in heaven' for eg. 'Don't you know it's your father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom,' is another example.

Jesus of Nazareth was a man. The Christ is something we can all aspire to. Therefore I sign off this post ...

...LauraBB Christ, daughter of God

Oh God, I know EXACTLY what you mean, Rebecca. Thanks for saying it out loud. Just a few weeks ago I vowed to family and friends I wasn't going to go online until 2pm. Mornings woudl be web free ... a few days of bliss ensued. I felt so much calmer, clearer, more productive. And then what happened? Feels like it came back more forcefully than ever. And I too don't twitter, facebook or any of those things. I am scared to go near another thing that might hook me. Bring Freedom on for PC, FAST.

... of reading other people who think like I do - on this issue, at least. I'm with the first poster, and those thereafter saying you are choosing to have lapses in the areas that will work okay for you. And that cheating, while it's fine for you, is so incredibly not fine for the other person that there is no way you can go on living like this without having the word 'asshole' tattooed on your forehead. Like another poster said, start telling the truth. That's it. It will sort your behaviour and your life out, big time.

God, it so upsets me that it isn't more clearly practised, the idea that we are entitled to our boundaries. That we aren't meant to be one with the all seeing, all forgiving system. Or God. Or whoever it is that dispenses Ultimate Justice in your eyes. You're not saying he should be shot, or tried and convicted by his peers. But there's another alternative, somewhere in between forgiving nothing and forgiving all.

You are just you. And from where you stand, what he did was rape you, and that will never and should never be okay. The rest is up to ... well, not you. ie What should his consequences be? What should the judgement on his head be? Leave that to the universe. But for you, LW, it's not okay. You were raped. It will never be okay that you were raped and you don't need to make excuses for him or to 'understand' him.

It's such a load of BS that this way forgiveness lies. It doesn't. Forgiveness is so important, but it's a helluva mystery to me how to get there. For myself - I wasn't raped, but other thigns have happened - it's come about with talking about it with people I trust, and movign on, and finding good things, and being well loved, and loving. I've suddenly looked back and, to my surprise, found that I can forgive. I don't think you can force it, though. And I don't think you get anywhere by lying about it. To yourself, to toehrs, to anyone, no matter how much society or other people or the voice inside your head even says that you should. Or 'wouldn't it be nice if you could'? So then you fake it, and pretend, and say somethign to ameliorate it. But it is so not okay. And also I think it can be scary to acknowledge the damage done. I have been scared like that. I would so often pretend it didn't happen becuase I would prefer that it didn't happen than to face the reality that it did. Well, you are far ahead in that game. Good on you. Well done.

But keep going. Put a bar on this person, and if it comes up in therapy or in yourself tocontact him, do it, but on your own terms, for your own reasons. Not needing anything from him.