The book that changed my thinking forever - and there have been lapses into feeling fat and dieting but overall it's been good - is Fat is a Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach. I think the whole obesity myth/obsession needs to be talked about partiucularly in regard to gender.

As women's power has grown their 'ideal size' has shrunk. I wonder why that could be? Women are criticised routinely for being 'too needy' and are expected to be nurturers and givers, while at hte same time do without - they expect this of thesmelves, too, look at mothers. Look at the whole 'natural childbirth' movement for God's sake. Women are masochists. But anyway - all of that for women can become about food. It's not just about consumption, it's baout being FED. Emotionally, spiritually. It's about giving to yourself - pleasure, comfort, succour. So many mothers deny their girl children from infancy. Girls learn to deny themselves. Thus - obsession wtih food and size - the literal embodiment of their control/nurturing/needing issues.

The way I learned to think of myself was as a person with real needs that deserved to be met - either by myself or by others. Feeding this needs with food just did not work. Controlling these needs by restricting and controlling food just did not work. Repressing these issues by stuffing htem down witth food or becoming obsessed with dieting just did not work. Once I fully realised that, with every cell of my being, the food/diet/body issues fell away. I gained a whole lot of issues - why won't my mother be nice to me? Why do I spend so much time giving to people and then feel ripped off if they don't want to give back to me, etc etc etc - but lost the ones to do wtih my body and eating.

Now my body issues are that I have a sore shoulder and I wonder how many years I have left to ahve another baby - if I want to. These are real issues. All the other issues to do with entitlement and happiness and what are my needs - I'm dealing with those in the real world, in my life. And having a strong healthy body that I love helps me on that journey.

You're educated ... and you want to be a young mum! Lucky you to have a desire that is so bang on with the feel of the times. You'll be lauded in the Sunday magazines. They'll throw a parade in your honour. Keep on with this 'my head says no but my heart says yes' stuff and they'll make a movie about you. Just make sure you want it for your own reasons, too.

You feel like you're unusual now, but you're not that unusual.

You're young, but not that young. My mother in law had already a child by your age and in the next two years she would have two more. This wasn't unusual back in the sixties. It's not that unusual now.

So, there are you at 28, or 30, or 34 and hopefully you've had a wonderful healthy child, but you haven't fulfilled a whole lot of other dreams, yet. And no one seems as grateful as they shoudl be for the sacrifices you've made - least of all your child. Is that okay with you? "I had my child young" you'll tell people, like that woman who is your boss and three years younger than you, and their eyes will glaze over and you'll understand that no one but you will ever really understand what that means. Is that okay?

If so I do think you should get married first. Or if that's not possible find a guy who really wants to be a father and have a baby with him. The responsibilities of having a child are difficult enough with someone else to share them, let alone on your own. And I think the responsibility of being the child of a single parent is hard on the child, too. Make it easier on yourself and your chidl and find a loving and partner and father.

Don't sign it. And write or phone the step sister and ask her how/why she is allowing this. I think it's really important. As someone who has avoided confrontation for a lot of their life I am now starting to understand what a fight that you have to have feels like - and it sounds to me like that's what you're feeling. I'm not saying battle it out through the courts or anything like that - that would be a total waste of time. But there is the letter of the law and then there is the spirit and what your stepsister is doing is clearly against the spirit of the law even if she is complying with the letter. Therefore, phone her up and say, or words to this effect - are you doing this? Are you really doing this? How can you? And then just. don't. sign.

Oh - and the money. The money for your sisters. Well - that's really difficult. At least don't sign for a while, then, and see what happens. I really hope something great does.