I know that frozen feeling. Many years ago now a friend's father committed suicide and I responded by falling out of touch with that friend because I didn't know what to 'do'. So not only did my friend have his dad's death to contend with but he lost a friendship into the bargain. It shouldn't happen but it all too easily does. Things come up, other stuff happens to put it out of your mind blah blah blah. I think you have to make a decision to have a better sense of perspective next time. To weigh someone mortally ill on the one hand with a small case of the flu on the other. They're both a part of your life but one demands action - even if you don't know what action - while the other is a distraction.

I made a vow after that happened with my friend that no matter what, no matter that I might put my foot in it or say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing I would ACT. That meant that when I woman I hardly knew at work's newborn baby died I went to her office and asked if she wanted to talk (she desperately did). I send a lot of cards. I bowl right up to people and say whatever comes into my head. I know this might seem insensitive sometimes but the only other option is to seem indifferent. And I'm not, and I don't want to be.

Recently something pretty frightful happened to me. The love and support I have received (including people on Table Talk) has been overwhelming - and crucial. Some days I have felt like I was a paralysed person who had been propped up on their legs and told to walk. Some days I lurch from one card or phone call or sign of love and support to the next. They're the only things that are holding me up and keeping me functioning. People I hardly know have been incredibly kind and loving, and they'll never know what that's meant to me.

So even though you might hardly know the woman if you feel a connection then act on it. Decide that from now on if the idea comes into your head to send a card or visit you'll just do it. No questions asked. Because once you start debating it, particularly if it's something unpleasant or awkward and hard times are just about ALWAYS unpleasant or awkward, you'll lose confidence, worry about doing the wrong thing .. and the opportunity will be lost.

Take it from me - loving kindness and thoughtfulness is always needed when you're in trouble. Use the guilt you feel about this to energise and motivate you about similar situations from now on. Then it won't have been in vain.

Your biological mother would have the option to refuse to see you, wouldn't she? Well then I can't see why you wouldn't try to make contact. It certainly wouldn't be selfish, and it might be redemptive, more than you could ever know.

To give up your child to my mind would have to be one of the hardest choices in life to make, and then to live with the question mark over what had happened would be one of the heaviest burdens to carry. The way you write about your loving family, your wonderful parents and happy upbringing all have the potential to be immensely healing and wonderful news to the woman who gave you up all those years ago. I know that if I was in her position there is nothing I would rather hear more.

And what does her age have to do with it? You're never to old to heal, and you're never to old to feel the pain of unresolved questions and wondering if you did the right thing.

You have a great gift to give this mystery woman - give her the option of accepting it at least.

If you're so smart and gifted and talented and destined to do something important why has it never occurred to you to regard all labels and grading - particularly of young people who haven't actually achieved anything yet - with scepticism and suspicion?

Did you never find it revolting to be graded and streamed to the point where you earned all the good adjectives and no doubt there were a whole of others in your class who got all the bad ones? Sure, education has its reasons to do this - including getting mum and dad to pay up big to optimise the potential of their darling genius child - this to some extent, but then for you to hang on to these labels into adult life is pathetic. And it's even more pathetic to think that they actually still mean something. Being the kind of person who does Something Important has nothing to do with the labels you earned growing up - sorry.

Use your intelligence to actually see people and yourself for who they really are - which has nothing to do with competition, labelling and predicting. Give your colleagues in the airline a break and kill the idea that you are 'too good' for this job. They'll sniff it out fast and hate you for it if you don't.