Enough is now known about North Korea to draw the conclusion that would have put any 'moral motivation' to get rid of Saddam Hussein for the benefit of his people into the shade - if morality had had anything to do with the true motivation to invade Iraq. Sadly Halliburton hasn't yet worked out how to make a lot of money out of any invasion of North Korea and so don't hold your breath for the liberation of North Korea.

I saw a program on the ABC's Four Corners program in which a defector risked his life to share video footage of generalised famine and concentration camps. This defector was in fear of his life and TV cameras recorded his unsuccessful attempt to gain shelter at the US embassy in Singapore. The US was unwilling or unready to risk a diplomatic blow up by taking him in. He was assassinated by North Korean agents soon after, as he had known he would be.

He is not the first and he won't be the last. But lack of information about North Korea is not the reason for international inaction about the widespread starvation, torture and lack of human rights.

There have always been a large number of non sexually active - at least publically - people in society. These included (although not necessarily) people in religious orders, academics (yes! - Oxford and Cambridge were bastions of all male celibate collegiality), barristers (yes! - ditto as above in the inns of court), 'maiden aunts', nurses, and teachers (mainly because women had to retire from these traditionally feminine occupations when they married), and many homosexuals who were, quite reasonably, afraid of the consequences if they were caught.

Although I sympathise with those who would like to have sex but for various reasons can't - including some people with disabilities - I am sure there are many who just don't want to be intimate in that way. To me this is an entirely reasonable proposition and not weird in the slightest. Sometimes I go through periods of wondering what all the fuss is about myself.

So number one: it aint so unusual to be a virgin at whatever age. Number two: for a lot of women this is a natural consequence of a woman's right to choose. And everyone second guesses their choices at some point. I'd feel sorry for these women if it were true that everyone who wasn't a virgin was having great, expressive, totally hot sex all the time. But that's not the case. I'm sure just as many non-virgins have a million sexual hang ups too. And I think it's a lot better to be a woman with no sexual experience than a woman with really bad sexual experiences - and there are PLENTY of them around, that's for sure.

As for the college conversation about who had done what to whom - I would have been doing the washing up too. What a pathetic conversation.

I think it's a mistake to obsess on the technicalities of virginity at whatever age. I say focus on what makes your body feel good - exercise, massage, eating - you can have plenty of sexual and sensual experiences without getting close to anyone else. And if physical intimacy is what you desire, then, next time you're feeling attracted to someone and they're feeling attracted to you, DON'T have the virginity conversation! Banish self consciousness and go with what makes you feel good. That's what will make the sex good. Conversations are nearly always mood killers so save it for when - or if - you want to get emotionally intimate, another time. And as for wondering if they'll be able to 'tell'. Not necessarily at all. If you're worried about it though ask a doctor to break your hymen for you. And watch a lot of Sex and the City for what to say when and to whom!

I liked Cary's advice on this one but I'd like to propose the other path to take.

The fact is 'much is asked from those whom much is given'. Having been given a free pass through many of life's more deadening challenges - making a living, finding a job - our heiress is now facing the next set of challenges. Face them she must! (I'm channelling Yoda here).

So, as far as 'what you should do' goes, it's time to take the bull by the horns and step up to the plate and define yourself. So right now you're a beautiful, successful, rich girl. Is that all you ever want to be? You won't be beautiful forever, you know that right? And, as privileged as you are, there are millions of you out there, so that doesn't make you special either.

It's time to break out of your gilded cage and make your life how you want it. It's the challenge that comes to all of us in the end - once, and if, the basic challenges of survival - food, shelter, employtment etc have been met.

So. What do you want? You have everything you're SUPPOSED to want. But that's a different thing, isn't it? I didn't have to face this question until I was about 34 - it took that long for me to find love, financial security and a home - but it was really hard when I did have to face it.

In the meantime I think you should do worthwhile things with your advantages. Eg your money and social standing - you should invest the time others invest in getting to where you already are in doing worthy things. Volunteering, giving it away etc. This won't define you but it will placate the gods - many of whom are already roaring at you in this letters section!

It's hard to individuate yourself and that's what everyone is required to do. Your time is now and your unhappiness is the wake up call.