The existence of other ways of life threatens these Islamists and their various factions. It is "us against them" in it's purest state. They will kill or be killed trying to annihilate anyone that is not of their belief system and nothing the U.S. or anyone else does will change them.

in a vicarious sort of way! No, actually I feel kind of disgusted about the incest and overlap associated with this. No, it's cool. Noooooo it's so not! Dear LW, you have me so confused I don't even know what to write.

You've given me a split personality disorder reading this because I am tolerant and open to almost everything. Even if I don't enjoy the Hedonism III cruise, I enjoy knowing that you can! Burning Man, hey, bring it on! The occasional pushing of boundaries with other adults...you go for it if that's what you like! Dan Savage is funny most of the time. I can get into Anais Nin or even soft stuff. But hey, there is something really creepy and gross and icky about this one. It just isn't healthy, this, uh, roll playing, from any perspective.

But who am I to judge healthy? I've had some pretty crazy times too. Haven't we all pushed into some spaces where we weren't quite comfy? But that isn't what is disturbing about this. This is a person who is sick and she might need someone to help her, but honey, it aint you and your DOM man. Yuck. Is everyone just meat on a hook to you guys? Surely there a human being in there somewhere who has something non-sexual to offer.

If in reading your letter, I feel manipulated and want to scream, "say what you really want, what you really mean!" about your odd connection with this 19 yr old, imagine what people living in your midst must feel. Your kids for example. But I will not judge you as a Mom, that is not the issue either. It has been my experience that clear intention and focus on your own kids is the best path when you feel the need to mother someone else's.

Cary, again, what is going on with you? You just condemned a woman for pot and yet you gave this LW and her hubby a nudge towards "helping" this young woman? Admittedly you said you were out of your element, but you must know she means something only sexual when she says dominant/submissive.... don't you? C'mon Cary, I am feeling disillusioned here. I had you up pretty high. You are the reason I keep checking Salon like a addict rat.

So I cannot tell you, LW, what to do. I can say that you just made me feel sad. People sometimes play out things that should have been taken care of a long time ago in their sex lives. That's what this sounds like. This is a lifestyle that needs to be sectioned off, it belongs in the vault( not that place in NYC, but the metaphorical).

I hate it when someone tells someone else they are innapropriate or that they've committed some faux pas when it isn't warranted. To shame someone for choices or misdirected judgement and scorn, but you have earned a little just now. Time for a sit down with hubby to reign it in so you don't get so far out there. Come back to earth, age gracefully, embrace your ordinary life, stop oversexualizing others. Projection indeed! Your husband baits her and when she bites then you think, "golly, she needs help"!

And never allow someone like this sick young woman near your children, ever. They are sponges with incredible radar. You already know this and it's been said but since you asked...

I agree with your entire response. There are some good points in there and one that strikes me as particularly relevant in the bigger picture:

"You say there are no parades for swingers, but there have been people who have made the swinging lifestyle a little less dangerous. Like the people who got sodomy and adultery laws taken off the books in many states, although there is a danger that they will be reinstated in some states. If you want a parade, keep that from happening in your state."

I'd like to elaborate and expand on this because I know some swingers who invite uninterested parties into their world. This leads us to a discussion about government (laws) in the bedroom. Presumably the government should NOT be considered an "interested party". People telling other people how and with whom to have sex.... hmmm.

If laws against private activity between two consenting (human) adults are formed, that is a clear invitation for people in "authority" to join you in the bedroom. I don't know about most people, but if the laws of a city/state or country dictate how we have sex with our partners, we are all in trouble. Want to move to the Middle East? Your bod=your biz is how it should stay.

Wouldn't it be just great if we had Big Brother in the bedroom and we had to pay with our taxes! Yeah, let's tell everyone what to do and how to do it!

Now, LW, you can tell someone what to do now: Your hubby. You can tell him to keep his stuff in the vault. Where the h*ll does this guy work anyway?